It has been 4 days since little brother was born. The house is in upheaval, everything different then before, kind of chaotic.
Last night was the first night I put Juliet to bed since we became a family of 4. She put her face right in front of mine, nearly touching noses, and feel asleep while I sang to her. This is strange from a child who usually cries to sleep, no matter what you do to get her to sleepiness.
Tonight we started getting ready for bed. First we read books. I'm always amazed what Juliet remembers. When I picked up Counting Kisses, she said, "my tired little baby, do you need a kiss?" (The first line of the book.) When we got to prayer, we heard Baby Brother crying and Juliet said she wanted more coconut milk. So we decided to get Juliet milk and give brother milk and then go back to bed. While I nursed Jonah, Juliet climbed all over Daddy on the floor. It was adorable and she seemed so happy. I don't think I've seen them do that before. And then I handed a sleeping Jonah off to Daddy and Juliet and I went back to her bed. We prayed, thanking God for all the different animals he made that Juliet loves (sharks, whales, dolphins, bald eagles), and then we sang our songs.
When they were done, Juliet said, "I can't go to sleep." This is fairly typical; going to sleep is generally hard for her. I talked to her about things that make it hard for me to go to sleep - not wanting the day to be over, or having problems settling my mind and body. She just repeated that she couldn't sleep. She came to the end of the bed where I was sitting and laid on my lap, facing away, and I rocked her back and forth. I imagined a boat rocking in the current. And I thought about being her mom over the past two years. I remembered laying in my bed with her, playing with our hands in the air, making them float down like leaves. About how we don't do that anymore and how I don't want to forget that, or forget any of it. I realized I would never again be Just Her Mommy and it made me profoundly sad. (I am postpartum, after all.) And then she got up and went and sat in front of her pillow. She asked for kisses (we do one for each cheek, one for each hand to hold for later, and one for the forehead for good dreams/thoughts). I don't think she realized I was sad. I'm pretty sure I was crying, but it was dark. And after the kisses, she sweetly and matter-of-factly said, "Night Night Mommy," and that was that. I said Night Night back and I left without her yelling, without tears. Softly, sweetly.
Suddenly, she seemed so grown up.
And I loved her, then and now.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Monday, December 24, 2012
An Update from Juliet
Today is Christmas Eve. Mommy is big with baby and Juliet is getting ready to be a big sister. This blog is [ahem, was intended to be] written with Juliet to capture her favorites and her thoughts.
Mommy: What are your favorite books?
Juliet: This.
M: That's a guide on how to play Daddy's game.
J: A fish. I found a fish.
M: Yes, that is a game about fish. And you love fish.
J: I can't open it Mommy. This is a move.... (I think she's going for movie and thinking about it.)
M: That's a game.
J: This is not a game. Let's find a new movie. Do you know where Babies is, Mommy?
M: Yes! I put it back on the shelf. Do you want to watch it? Go get it.
J: I have the Babies right here! Do you want to watch Babies?
M: Okay. I think that might be fun.
Here, the Babies DVD kisses me.
And so we're watching the movie Babies now. I remember the first time I watched it with Juliet and she was entranced. That was probably when she was closer to a year old. We watched it in a bunch of pieces. Now I found it on Amazon for $6 and bought it. For some reason I don't have those pangs of guilt when she watches it. We talk about what is going on and about the Babies. It nearly feels educational.
A few of Juliet's favorites:
Favorite Toys: These small (probably 5 inches tall), round fuzzy things. Made by TY, the previous makers of Beanie Babies. Juliet started with Picky (a pink one) bought by Daddy at Rite-Aid because Juliet loved it. Mommy thought he was being a sucker, but Juliet has really loved that toy. She is always asking, "Where's Pinky?" It's not exactly a security thing because we don't have to find it. But we often talk about where it is. Then we added Pengy, one that looks like a penguin. And Grammy (Matt's mom) and Aunt Beth picked up a caterpillar-type of colorful striped one. It's tag said Gumdrop and Juliet started calling it "Icedrop" and it stuck. I think they got her another one for Christmas! (Don't tell her.)
Favorite Books: Owl Babies (Little Owl Baby Bill always says, "I want my mommy!" One time Daddy said that Juliet was looking at the book while I was at working and saying, "I want my Rachel!"); Moonhorse (I love the language in that book. Juliet somehow knows the name of the Illustrator of that book too. I'm not sure why.); Inside Mouse Outside Mouse
I asked Juliet if she has a favorite color. She said, " I have a favorite..... I wonder, where the cows?"
Juliet loves animals. She loved this book Daddy has called Big Fish and she recognizes a lot of the fish in there, especially the sharks and yellowfin tuna. She used to always look for the section page titled, "Not Dangerous But Big." I dont know if I wrote that before.
J: I see cows!
Maybe because of Daddy's field guide collection, Juliet knows all about the types of underwater creatures and birds. Gmom and Grandpa reported that they were looking at a book with Juliet with a bird in it and she declared, "blue egret!" She is definitely her Daddy's daughter. That certainly didn't come from me.
I've just started talking to her about the sounds that letters make. She seems pretty amazed. We'll be looking through a book and she'll say, "Do that word," and point at a word and we sound it out. I'm a little rusty on the vowels, I have to admit.
Right now at bed we read 2 books, say a prayer (Juliet requests we pray for good dreams, and last night we prayed for good dreams for Pengy) and then sing songs. I started opening my repertoire out a bit. We used to sing Deer (As the Deer Panteth for the Water which, coincidentally, is the song that my water broke during for Juliet) and then a few pirate songs Daddy introduced us to (referred to as Ship and Bowl). Now Juliet requests the same songs in the same order: Deer, Starry Night, Crossroads, and Sweet Baby James. I remember my Dad singing Sweet Baby James to us when we were little and I'm happy to carry on the tradition.
Juliet is still a pretty good eater. She seems to like her vegetables.
She is very empathetic. When I start getting overwhelmed (being pregnant with a toddler is not easy!) she says, "Don't cry Mommy!"
J: Do you know where Pinky is?
M: I think he's in bed.
We talk about what Baby Brother or Little Brother will do and be like. When I read Juliet books, she points to my other knee and says, "LittleBrother goes there." Gmom told her that LittleBrother will probably grab her finger and she likes talking about that recently and pantomiming holding and rocking him.
Gmom asked Juliet what little brother's name is and she said, "That's a very good question." (We keep that secret until birth.)
I think I've got to go. The katamari game is jumping on the keyboard and Juliet is telling it, "No, don't do that Katamari." I guess this is as good a record as any. This is about how it is here.
I wait for new brother with nervousness. This has been a pretty easy pregnancy physically. A little sciatica when laying down was my biggest physical complaint. Until 37 weeks, I would tell people I didn't remember I was pregnant until I caught a glimpse of my reflection. And then that changed at 37 weeks and I feel very achy by the time I get to bed. And, starting this weekend, I'm completely frantic with my to-do list. I believe this is called nesting, which makes it seem quaint, but it feels like torture. And then combine that with Christmas to-dos and it has been really challenging. Mentally, this has been a very hard pregnancy for me. I can't imagine a newborn and a toddler together.
A story. A few months ago, at dinner at my parents' house, Juliet got down from the table. We asked her if she was going to come eat. She said, "I'm too busy." She started playing with her toys and declared, "I'm exhausted." We laughed. My mom pointed out, "That's a toddler with a pregnant mommy - busy and exhausted!"
So, with that laugh, Merry Christmas! I have to keep reminding myself not to stress over the tree not up, the things undone. It's hard. And through this all, I hope I've been a good mom to Juliet and will be able to navigate motherhood of 2 when it comes. This journey of motherhood is always changing.
Mommy: What are your favorite books?
Juliet: This.
M: That's a guide on how to play Daddy's game.
J: A fish. I found a fish.
M: Yes, that is a game about fish. And you love fish.
J: I can't open it Mommy. This is a move.... (I think she's going for movie and thinking about it.)
M: That's a game.
J: This is not a game. Let's find a new movie. Do you know where Babies is, Mommy?
M: Yes! I put it back on the shelf. Do you want to watch it? Go get it.
J: I have the Babies right here! Do you want to watch Babies?
M: Okay. I think that might be fun.
Here, the Babies DVD kisses me.
And so we're watching the movie Babies now. I remember the first time I watched it with Juliet and she was entranced. That was probably when she was closer to a year old. We watched it in a bunch of pieces. Now I found it on Amazon for $6 and bought it. For some reason I don't have those pangs of guilt when she watches it. We talk about what is going on and about the Babies. It nearly feels educational.
A few of Juliet's favorites:
Favorite Toys: These small (probably 5 inches tall), round fuzzy things. Made by TY, the previous makers of Beanie Babies. Juliet started with Picky (a pink one) bought by Daddy at Rite-Aid because Juliet loved it. Mommy thought he was being a sucker, but Juliet has really loved that toy. She is always asking, "Where's Pinky?" It's not exactly a security thing because we don't have to find it. But we often talk about where it is. Then we added Pengy, one that looks like a penguin. And Grammy (Matt's mom) and Aunt Beth picked up a caterpillar-type of colorful striped one. It's tag said Gumdrop and Juliet started calling it "Icedrop" and it stuck. I think they got her another one for Christmas! (Don't tell her.)
Favorite Books: Owl Babies (Little Owl Baby Bill always says, "I want my mommy!" One time Daddy said that Juliet was looking at the book while I was at working and saying, "I want my Rachel!"); Moonhorse (I love the language in that book. Juliet somehow knows the name of the Illustrator of that book too. I'm not sure why.); Inside Mouse Outside Mouse
I asked Juliet if she has a favorite color. She said, " I have a favorite..... I wonder, where the cows?"
Juliet loves animals. She loved this book Daddy has called Big Fish and she recognizes a lot of the fish in there, especially the sharks and yellowfin tuna. She used to always look for the section page titled, "Not Dangerous But Big." I dont know if I wrote that before.
J: I see cows!
Maybe because of Daddy's field guide collection, Juliet knows all about the types of underwater creatures and birds. Gmom and Grandpa reported that they were looking at a book with Juliet with a bird in it and she declared, "blue egret!" She is definitely her Daddy's daughter. That certainly didn't come from me.
I've just started talking to her about the sounds that letters make. She seems pretty amazed. We'll be looking through a book and she'll say, "Do that word," and point at a word and we sound it out. I'm a little rusty on the vowels, I have to admit.
Right now at bed we read 2 books, say a prayer (Juliet requests we pray for good dreams, and last night we prayed for good dreams for Pengy) and then sing songs. I started opening my repertoire out a bit. We used to sing Deer (As the Deer Panteth for the Water which, coincidentally, is the song that my water broke during for Juliet) and then a few pirate songs Daddy introduced us to (referred to as Ship and Bowl). Now Juliet requests the same songs in the same order: Deer, Starry Night, Crossroads, and Sweet Baby James. I remember my Dad singing Sweet Baby James to us when we were little and I'm happy to carry on the tradition.
Juliet is still a pretty good eater. She seems to like her vegetables.
She is very empathetic. When I start getting overwhelmed (being pregnant with a toddler is not easy!) she says, "Don't cry Mommy!"
J: Do you know where Pinky is?
M: I think he's in bed.
We talk about what Baby Brother or Little Brother will do and be like. When I read Juliet books, she points to my other knee and says, "LittleBrother goes there." Gmom told her that LittleBrother will probably grab her finger and she likes talking about that recently and pantomiming holding and rocking him.
Gmom asked Juliet what little brother's name is and she said, "That's a very good question." (We keep that secret until birth.)
I think I've got to go. The katamari game is jumping on the keyboard and Juliet is telling it, "No, don't do that Katamari." I guess this is as good a record as any. This is about how it is here.
I wait for new brother with nervousness. This has been a pretty easy pregnancy physically. A little sciatica when laying down was my biggest physical complaint. Until 37 weeks, I would tell people I didn't remember I was pregnant until I caught a glimpse of my reflection. And then that changed at 37 weeks and I feel very achy by the time I get to bed. And, starting this weekend, I'm completely frantic with my to-do list. I believe this is called nesting, which makes it seem quaint, but it feels like torture. And then combine that with Christmas to-dos and it has been really challenging. Mentally, this has been a very hard pregnancy for me. I can't imagine a newborn and a toddler together.
A story. A few months ago, at dinner at my parents' house, Juliet got down from the table. We asked her if she was going to come eat. She said, "I'm too busy." She started playing with her toys and declared, "I'm exhausted." We laughed. My mom pointed out, "That's a toddler with a pregnant mommy - busy and exhausted!"
So, with that laugh, Merry Christmas! I have to keep reminding myself not to stress over the tree not up, the things undone. It's hard. And through this all, I hope I've been a good mom to Juliet and will be able to navigate motherhood of 2 when it comes. This journey of motherhood is always changing.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
"That was fun!" And, with that, Juliet is 2.
Dear Juliet,
It is September 29th, 2012, around 8:30PM. It has been one lovely yet exhausting weekend. We have been celebrating your birth - the day, two years ago, that you came in to this world officially. As seems to be the custom, your birthday (yesterday) was rainy. It reminded me of the rainy day out of the hospital window on your birth and our trip to Elwood Park Zoo in the rain on your 1st birthday. Somehow the rain connects each year. I think back on them and remember how that singular thing, the weather, made such an impression on my mind.
This year on your birthday, Mommy worked a half day, the rain pouring down as we drove to work. You have started saying "mommy no work" when we take that morning drive. It seems so sweet, and yet, so sad. It might not be the case, but before you articulated it, I was able to believe that you didn't put that morning drive together with me leaving. And now, I know you know. We have some great times on the way there, though. Sometimes if I am being silly or if I am guessing at something you are saying that I don't understand, you'll say your new favorite phrase, "mommy joking" or "joking mommy." This is a riot. You say it in such a tone that sounds like you are smiling knowingly and shaking your head. You also have a set of funny words you like to say. I made a note to add it to my last post, but I didn't, so I'll mention it here. For some reason, you made up "ah boo boo" and it seems to be, to you, the funniest word in the human language. We'll repeat it back and forth with different variations (high, low, quiet, soft, scary) and you seem to love it. Also on that list is "noodles" and "oops" or "oopsie." On other trips, you'll request to put on my chapstick (and remind yourself "don't lick it" or "don't eat it" as I get it out). On others, you'll ask for my notebook and we'll draw things. Your favorites are big/little ovals, crescent moons, full moons, big/little daddies, stars, clouds, big/little circles, sharks, hammerhead sharks, and dolphins. I'm really bad at drawing the last three. And we always look to see if a particular dog is outside on our way to work. Daddy and I started that tradition when you were little and now you have realized it and add your own input. I'll say, "is the dog out?" and you'll say "no dog" or remind me to check the "porch." Maybe our family is crazy? =) I really enjoy sitting with you in the car. I think it is because we have each others' undivided attention. It is hard to talk sometimes when you are always moving. Other times while driving, you request my ipod to listen to "Baby Luga" (Baby Beluga by Raffi), "Punch/Bunch" (Day-O by Raffi) or "night-night music" (Bless My Girl CD). You have definite preferences for music on the radio too. Some times you like it and dance around, tapping your feet. Other times you express your displeasure with a simple request "next please Daddy." (You don't always get that wish granted, though.) You have started putting your left foot on the seat belt and then scolding it with "get down." When it gets down, I pet it and thank it for listening. What a funny game!
After you picked me up and we got something to eat (you strongly preferred my vegetables to the mac&cheese or meat, which makes me proud), we went to the Elmwood Park Zoo. This year we are members, but we've never done the pony rides. So we came with cash and managed to get you a pony ride right before they closed up for the day. At first you seemed a little nervous, but you got the hang of it. When they got you off you said, "more!" and when we showed you the picture we took of you on the pony, you said "that was fun." It was a good day. Several times, you started running/skipping along full speed ahead. It seemed like the pleasure was bursting out of you! Later that night, we met my family at Ikea for dinner. With the furniture out all over the place, you got a chance to play and explore. When we got home, we skyped with Aunt LaLa (It is pretty amazing you can call her that - she hated that nickname as a kid) and you went to bed at a really late bed time.
I couldn't believe the overwhelming feeling of joy I had that day. When I woke up, I felt like my heart would burst with love for you and with gratitude that God had given you to our family. I'm nearly 6 months pregnant now, and I am often worried about being well-equipped to deal with another child when I feel like I can hardly deal with one child and manage the things that need to be done around the house. Especially since I've been pregnant, I've had these major feelings of inadequacy. But I knew in my heart that day, little one (my nickname for you - will it seem totally crazy when there is a newborn in the house?!), that children are a blessing. For all the hard times, it is truly amazing to have you with us, to see you grow and learn and develop. It has gone so fast and I hope I never forget this. The good and the bad - the wonderful memories but also that there are a lot of challenges along the way too. When you are right in the middle of them, boy they seem so hard. You feel like you were never meant to be a mother. How can you measure up? And then you cover my face in kisses late at night, and we share sweet times where our interactions are fitting together perfectly, or you notice that I'm feeling sad and you say "no crying, mommy." And maybe I am not so bad after all. (But I hope you don't only remember my crying! I'm pregnant and trying to nest with a toddler!)
We went for our first camping trip a few weeks ago. You really seemed to love it. You relished being outside, gathering up rocks, and running around with Akira, our dog. It seemed to enliven you. You slept the whole night, but rolled all over the tent (probably because we didn't bring the air mattress). The next day, however, I wasn't feeling good. And, by the time we got home, it was clear I had a stomach bug. I spent that day on the couch or in bed, not being very much fun. Before bed, I got you a little snack and sat with you at the table. You were eating and asked me earnestly, "Mommy happy?" It was such a sweet question. I had spent the day so exhausted, but I hadn't realized you had noticed. I told you I was happy to spend time with you. I was touched that you cared about my state of mind - somehow you've developed empathy. What an intriguing thing!
Today we had your party, a yellow-themed picnic at a local park with a playground. It went really well. The playground was a hit. You had a lot of family to play with and a few kids around your age that you've come to know, including your cousin Ben of course (whom you've started calling "Benny" instead of "B"). I was worried it was too cold, or that I wasn't prepared enough, etc. But as the last guests left, you said sadly "leaving?!" and waved bye-bye emphatically. And then, on the car ride home, you said, rather triumphantly, "that was fun." Mission accomplished, little one. A celebration of Juliet. =)
When we got home, we all crashed. It didn't seem like we even did that much work, but it felt like a long day. It was a great time - I enjoyed it too. So we ordered a pizza (I didn't think I could eat any more fruit or veg, and that's saying something coming from me!) and we all watched Ponyo together. We usually eat at the table, formally, and we definitely don't watch tv during dinner, so it was a fun little treat. And it was cute to see you and Daddy propped up on pillows sitting on the floor, taking bites and watching. Suddenly you seemed so big, but that must be an illusion of the number changing, surely? You couldn't have gone from a child to big girl in one weekend? All my perception?
Before I close, I wanted to mention a few other things. You are definitely your fathers' daughter, because you love field guides and informative books like that. Your favorite is a book about Big Fish. The highlights include the Blue Shark (the painting of which makes you laugh for some reason!), the Mako Shark (also slightly amusing, apparently) the Hammerhead Shark, the man that wrote Jaws that you think is Mommy (I guess I see the resemblance, but it is odd to be compared to a man!), the Yellowfin Tuna (which you articulate very carefully), a section entitled "Not Dangerous But Big" that you request and are delighted to come across, and the Giant Mekong Catfish which you discuss with mommy about how I think it looks upside-down (much to Daddy's chagrin). You also like the books "Owl Babies" and "Moonhorse."
We got a twin bed for you about a week ago. I had this feeling you would take to it, but I anticipated a struggle. It makes me sad, but ever since you stopped nursing to sleep, you haven't been an easy sleeper. No amount of cuddling, singing, rocking, or whatnot, would get you to sleep. Instead, as soon as you feel yourself getting tired, you pop up and fight it. So a lot of times we have to do our bedtime routine and put you to bed. Sometimes you talk to yourself or play, and sometimes you cry. It breaks my heart, but it just doesn't seem to work any other way. After you go to sleep, you've been sleeping through the night. The rare times you do wake up in the middle of the night, we can cuddle you in bed with us and you go back to sleep. (Though somehow you often push Daddy out of his spot in bed!) Once you figured out how to climb out of your crib, though, bed times were a bit of mess. You would get up as soon as we left the room, if not before. There was not a lot of hope that a big girl bed would be much different. But, surprisingly to me, you stay in it. I am so proud of you, my big girl, to go in to the bedroom at night and see you cuddled in your bed. I feel silly that I ever worried that cosleeping meant we might never get you in to your own bed. It happened on its own, rather organically. This is a reminder to future me not to worry so much about parenting choices and do what works for our family. (Self: Please remember this and give yourself a break.)
One of my favorite routines with you is our walk to church on Sunday. It really seems like I taught you how it should work and it makes for such a smooth and pleasant event. First, we hold hands the whole way. (Unless you get a little nervous around the train tracks (they ARE pretty big and loud) and ask to be picked up. A lot of time this request is made by you walking into the front of my legs and raising your arms nervously.) We stop at the roads and you wait while I look for cars. You don't step in to the street until I say "no cars." This is actually kind of amusing in other contexts. Sometimes when we are out as a family and you are holding daddy's hand, you will stop abruptly at the curb and declare "no cars" before you go across. Maybe it is silly, but I feel so proud of teaching you this safety thing. And I cherish these walks every week. You usually collect a bunch of things along the way - many rocks, clovers or dandelion fluffs, maybe a fallen flower. I love the chance to pay attention to all the small things I don't see anymore when I walk around as an adult. It is a perfect chance to learn again the art of catching the small things. Like the intent of this blog, catching your sayings and preferences, our successes and struggles. At the time, it seems like we will remember them forever. But then you change, you learn and grow. And, as you do, new moments replace the old. But the old ones are preserved here, my memories of you.
I love you, my two-year-old.
It is September 29th, 2012, around 8:30PM. It has been one lovely yet exhausting weekend. We have been celebrating your birth - the day, two years ago, that you came in to this world officially. As seems to be the custom, your birthday (yesterday) was rainy. It reminded me of the rainy day out of the hospital window on your birth and our trip to Elwood Park Zoo in the rain on your 1st birthday. Somehow the rain connects each year. I think back on them and remember how that singular thing, the weather, made such an impression on my mind.
This year on your birthday, Mommy worked a half day, the rain pouring down as we drove to work. You have started saying "mommy no work" when we take that morning drive. It seems so sweet, and yet, so sad. It might not be the case, but before you articulated it, I was able to believe that you didn't put that morning drive together with me leaving. And now, I know you know. We have some great times on the way there, though. Sometimes if I am being silly or if I am guessing at something you are saying that I don't understand, you'll say your new favorite phrase, "mommy joking" or "joking mommy." This is a riot. You say it in such a tone that sounds like you are smiling knowingly and shaking your head. You also have a set of funny words you like to say. I made a note to add it to my last post, but I didn't, so I'll mention it here. For some reason, you made up "ah boo boo" and it seems to be, to you, the funniest word in the human language. We'll repeat it back and forth with different variations (high, low, quiet, soft, scary) and you seem to love it. Also on that list is "noodles" and "oops" or "oopsie." On other trips, you'll request to put on my chapstick (and remind yourself "don't lick it" or "don't eat it" as I get it out). On others, you'll ask for my notebook and we'll draw things. Your favorites are big/little ovals, crescent moons, full moons, big/little daddies, stars, clouds, big/little circles, sharks, hammerhead sharks, and dolphins. I'm really bad at drawing the last three. And we always look to see if a particular dog is outside on our way to work. Daddy and I started that tradition when you were little and now you have realized it and add your own input. I'll say, "is the dog out?" and you'll say "no dog" or remind me to check the "porch." Maybe our family is crazy? =) I really enjoy sitting with you in the car. I think it is because we have each others' undivided attention. It is hard to talk sometimes when you are always moving. Other times while driving, you request my ipod to listen to "Baby Luga" (Baby Beluga by Raffi), "Punch/Bunch" (Day-O by Raffi) or "night-night music" (Bless My Girl CD). You have definite preferences for music on the radio too. Some times you like it and dance around, tapping your feet. Other times you express your displeasure with a simple request "next please Daddy." (You don't always get that wish granted, though.) You have started putting your left foot on the seat belt and then scolding it with "get down." When it gets down, I pet it and thank it for listening. What a funny game!
After you picked me up and we got something to eat (you strongly preferred my vegetables to the mac&cheese or meat, which makes me proud), we went to the Elmwood Park Zoo. This year we are members, but we've never done the pony rides. So we came with cash and managed to get you a pony ride right before they closed up for the day. At first you seemed a little nervous, but you got the hang of it. When they got you off you said, "more!" and when we showed you the picture we took of you on the pony, you said "that was fun." It was a good day. Several times, you started running/skipping along full speed ahead. It seemed like the pleasure was bursting out of you! Later that night, we met my family at Ikea for dinner. With the furniture out all over the place, you got a chance to play and explore. When we got home, we skyped with Aunt LaLa (It is pretty amazing you can call her that - she hated that nickname as a kid) and you went to bed at a really late bed time.
I couldn't believe the overwhelming feeling of joy I had that day. When I woke up, I felt like my heart would burst with love for you and with gratitude that God had given you to our family. I'm nearly 6 months pregnant now, and I am often worried about being well-equipped to deal with another child when I feel like I can hardly deal with one child and manage the things that need to be done around the house. Especially since I've been pregnant, I've had these major feelings of inadequacy. But I knew in my heart that day, little one (my nickname for you - will it seem totally crazy when there is a newborn in the house?!), that children are a blessing. For all the hard times, it is truly amazing to have you with us, to see you grow and learn and develop. It has gone so fast and I hope I never forget this. The good and the bad - the wonderful memories but also that there are a lot of challenges along the way too. When you are right in the middle of them, boy they seem so hard. You feel like you were never meant to be a mother. How can you measure up? And then you cover my face in kisses late at night, and we share sweet times where our interactions are fitting together perfectly, or you notice that I'm feeling sad and you say "no crying, mommy." And maybe I am not so bad after all. (But I hope you don't only remember my crying! I'm pregnant and trying to nest with a toddler!)
We went for our first camping trip a few weeks ago. You really seemed to love it. You relished being outside, gathering up rocks, and running around with Akira, our dog. It seemed to enliven you. You slept the whole night, but rolled all over the tent (probably because we didn't bring the air mattress). The next day, however, I wasn't feeling good. And, by the time we got home, it was clear I had a stomach bug. I spent that day on the couch or in bed, not being very much fun. Before bed, I got you a little snack and sat with you at the table. You were eating and asked me earnestly, "Mommy happy?" It was such a sweet question. I had spent the day so exhausted, but I hadn't realized you had noticed. I told you I was happy to spend time with you. I was touched that you cared about my state of mind - somehow you've developed empathy. What an intriguing thing!
Today we had your party, a yellow-themed picnic at a local park with a playground. It went really well. The playground was a hit. You had a lot of family to play with and a few kids around your age that you've come to know, including your cousin Ben of course (whom you've started calling "Benny" instead of "B"). I was worried it was too cold, or that I wasn't prepared enough, etc. But as the last guests left, you said sadly "leaving?!" and waved bye-bye emphatically. And then, on the car ride home, you said, rather triumphantly, "that was fun." Mission accomplished, little one. A celebration of Juliet. =)
When we got home, we all crashed. It didn't seem like we even did that much work, but it felt like a long day. It was a great time - I enjoyed it too. So we ordered a pizza (I didn't think I could eat any more fruit or veg, and that's saying something coming from me!) and we all watched Ponyo together. We usually eat at the table, formally, and we definitely don't watch tv during dinner, so it was a fun little treat. And it was cute to see you and Daddy propped up on pillows sitting on the floor, taking bites and watching. Suddenly you seemed so big, but that must be an illusion of the number changing, surely? You couldn't have gone from a child to big girl in one weekend? All my perception?
Before I close, I wanted to mention a few other things. You are definitely your fathers' daughter, because you love field guides and informative books like that. Your favorite is a book about Big Fish. The highlights include the Blue Shark (the painting of which makes you laugh for some reason!), the Mako Shark (also slightly amusing, apparently) the Hammerhead Shark, the man that wrote Jaws that you think is Mommy (I guess I see the resemblance, but it is odd to be compared to a man!), the Yellowfin Tuna (which you articulate very carefully), a section entitled "Not Dangerous But Big" that you request and are delighted to come across, and the Giant Mekong Catfish which you discuss with mommy about how I think it looks upside-down (much to Daddy's chagrin). You also like the books "Owl Babies" and "Moonhorse."
We got a twin bed for you about a week ago. I had this feeling you would take to it, but I anticipated a struggle. It makes me sad, but ever since you stopped nursing to sleep, you haven't been an easy sleeper. No amount of cuddling, singing, rocking, or whatnot, would get you to sleep. Instead, as soon as you feel yourself getting tired, you pop up and fight it. So a lot of times we have to do our bedtime routine and put you to bed. Sometimes you talk to yourself or play, and sometimes you cry. It breaks my heart, but it just doesn't seem to work any other way. After you go to sleep, you've been sleeping through the night. The rare times you do wake up in the middle of the night, we can cuddle you in bed with us and you go back to sleep. (Though somehow you often push Daddy out of his spot in bed!) Once you figured out how to climb out of your crib, though, bed times were a bit of mess. You would get up as soon as we left the room, if not before. There was not a lot of hope that a big girl bed would be much different. But, surprisingly to me, you stay in it. I am so proud of you, my big girl, to go in to the bedroom at night and see you cuddled in your bed. I feel silly that I ever worried that cosleeping meant we might never get you in to your own bed. It happened on its own, rather organically. This is a reminder to future me not to worry so much about parenting choices and do what works for our family. (Self: Please remember this and give yourself a break.)
One of my favorite routines with you is our walk to church on Sunday. It really seems like I taught you how it should work and it makes for such a smooth and pleasant event. First, we hold hands the whole way. (Unless you get a little nervous around the train tracks (they ARE pretty big and loud) and ask to be picked up. A lot of time this request is made by you walking into the front of my legs and raising your arms nervously.) We stop at the roads and you wait while I look for cars. You don't step in to the street until I say "no cars." This is actually kind of amusing in other contexts. Sometimes when we are out as a family and you are holding daddy's hand, you will stop abruptly at the curb and declare "no cars" before you go across. Maybe it is silly, but I feel so proud of teaching you this safety thing. And I cherish these walks every week. You usually collect a bunch of things along the way - many rocks, clovers or dandelion fluffs, maybe a fallen flower. I love the chance to pay attention to all the small things I don't see anymore when I walk around as an adult. It is a perfect chance to learn again the art of catching the small things. Like the intent of this blog, catching your sayings and preferences, our successes and struggles. At the time, it seems like we will remember them forever. But then you change, you learn and grow. And, as you do, new moments replace the old. But the old ones are preserved here, my memories of you.
I love you, my two-year-old.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Do you hear what I hear? Letters to Juliet
Dearest Etsy,
So many times over the past few months, I made a note to remember this or that event or milestone. I have done this so much that writing this entry seemed impossible! And the truth of the matter is, I will probably not remember each and every thing. But I will remember more now then next month and next year, so all of these things will still seem like precious collections, memories of where you came from.
Most of the things I've wanted to remember are verbal ones. One day you were talking to yourself in the car in a sing-songy way and I realized you were singing! It was the first song I heard you sing, and it was incredibly precious. You sang:
row, row row boat
gent down streeeeeeeam
mary mary mary mary mary
Again and again. You were around 18-19 months old.
One late night we were driving home and you were still awake. You probably had a slight case of the sillies because I said Opps about something and you cracked up. You repeated it over and over, laughing hysterically after it each time. Then I introduced you to Oppsie and you thought it was equally wonderful. You were not asleep when we got home, I remember that.
You enjoy talking about colors and I was surprised to hear you count with an older kid friend in the pool. up to 14! Your favorite color is definitely yellow as you point it out everywhere and prefer to wear, in your own words, the "lellow dress." Daddy bought you a yellow towel because you fell in love with it in the store. (He said you were snuggling it to your face and seemed really sad when the cashier took it to ring it up!) You like to dry your hands on it and use it when you get out of the tub - it is a nice incentive.
You are interested in our wedding rings. One day you pointed out Mommy's ring and I told you about being married to Daddy and the ring meant that. And ever since then, when you see the ring, you say Daddy and motion to him (he's usually in the front seat driving). So Daddy told you something similar one day, though his was perhaps sweeter - "Love Mommy" is what his ring means! And you often point to our rings and tell us these things. It seems like a kind of sophisticated concept to grasp without any prompting. How could you know a ring means the other person? But you do. I think you understand way more then I realize some times.
Sometimes you melt my heart with your sweetness! In the car one day on my way to work, you looked right at me and I could tell you were working something out in your head. You said something carefully, deliberately, that I couldn't understand. I told you I didn't understand and asked you to repeat it again and again. Sometimes that question makes you stop repeating, but this time you kept on, and I was rewarded greatly by your perseverance. "I love Mommy" you said to me, looking at me intently with your lovely blue eyes. I thought of it the whole day. I was so pleased you took the time to try to say that to me and seemed to think it through so much.
There are other adorable displays of affection too. A few times, out of nowhere, you say, "Big Hug" and give me one. Sometimes you give me a sweet kiss on the cheek and say "kiss." These are lovely things. I feel like all the love I poured in to you as a little baby is coming back to me. All the hugs, all the snuggles, all the kisses, all the "i love yous" - you make me feel like the specialist person in the world during those times. I don't think I've ever quite known what it meant to feel that way. Motherhood is so sweet like that.
Speaking of motherhood, we are expecting a new one at the beginning of January! It has been so fun to talk to you about it. When we first found out at the end of April, we told you about it. You would point to my belly and say, "new baby." After a while, you started kissing my belly too. In fact, when we told my mom that I was pregnant, we did it by asking you where the new baby was! Later on, we started talking about how you would be a big sister and what some of your responsibilities might be. You seem to love it. You often tell us, "biiiig sister." It's cute to see you so proud. I hope the transition to a two-child family will actually go that smoothly! Sometimes I tell you that you grew in Mommy's tummy before you came out to live with us and you nod very seriously like you remember it.
I've had a great time walking close places with you. A few times you and I walked over to the library on Thursday nights for their kids' events together. We have so much fun! We stop to point out things along the way, take biiiig steps. At every street, we stop and I look both ways and say "no cars" when we are good to cross. (On another occasion when our family was all together, you stopped short at the street and then declared "no cars!" before walking. I was surprised you picked it up so fast and remembered to do it even when we didn't.) On the way home, we have a blast - you would try out my shoes or lay down on the grass with me, urging me to sit down beside you. Probably a little unusual, but I like having a little fun with you. I'm always a little surprised you make it walking the whole way each time. And proud. I love having a good little walking buddy! We've started walking to church recently. Since we pass train tracks, you start talking about Thomas and choo-choo when we leave the house. (You've seen Thomas once, from a DVD from the library!) But one time a train did come by and I think it was a little bigger then you expected. You asked me to pick you up. From then on, when we get within eyesight of the train, you will usually ask me to pick you up. Once we are clear of the tracks, you ask to be put down (but you always say "Up Please" instead). I cherish those walks too.
You also perplexingly call sliced cheese "cheese dat dat." My best guess is that that comes from the fact that it is the cheese Daddy puts on his sandwiches and you wanted a way to distinguish it from string cheese? We keep responding with (the right kind of) cheese, so I don't think it will go away soon.
You've shown some independence recently. You use the potty around once a day, usually first thing in the morning. Nearly every time I put you on the toliet, you do pee. But I'm not sure you've got the concept of coming and telling us ahead of time first. But you are interested in it and adorable when you do - You seem so very, very pleased with yourself. I do wonder if we are missing an opportunity by not doing potty breaks diligently though.
About two months ago, you surprised us by starting to sleep through the entire night! Before that, you would get up once in the middle of the night and I would bring you in bed with us. And then, suddenly, 8-8, out of the blue probably 6 nights out of 7. It was pretty wonderful. I thought to myself, "this worked really well for us." But that 7th night, you were wide awake at 3 or 4 and nothing could get you back to sleep. After 3 weeks or so, those bad nights got closer and closer together. One week they were every third night! I always remind myself regarding the harder things that "this too will pass." But I guess I should also remember that for the great things! Kids are ever changing, lots and lots of phases. You learn to be flexible and responsive.
And then you discovered you could get out of your crib. That was 2 days ago. Nighttime has now become very challenging. I've been talking to you about a Big Girl Bed and we've been considering whether you would still hop out of your crib if it wasn't next to the bed. We have a vacation next week, so we'll start the work next week on that. I feel like we should have know this would happen, but we are caught kind of flabbergasted.
Etsy is sort of your name for you. When we first asked you to say "Juliet," you could only manage or remember the "Et" part. So we started called you Et or Etsy and it has just stayed. The last time you saw yourself in a picture, I asked who it was and you said "Etsy." So it has become a pretty common part of our family jargon right now. We'll see if it stays.
I'm sure there are a million other things, a thing to remember for each and every day, and then some. I want to say this to you, earnestly and intently. Look me in the eye, little one, but I will repeat it forever and ever for you.
I love Juliet.
So many times over the past few months, I made a note to remember this or that event or milestone. I have done this so much that writing this entry seemed impossible! And the truth of the matter is, I will probably not remember each and every thing. But I will remember more now then next month and next year, so all of these things will still seem like precious collections, memories of where you came from.
Most of the things I've wanted to remember are verbal ones. One day you were talking to yourself in the car in a sing-songy way and I realized you were singing! It was the first song I heard you sing, and it was incredibly precious. You sang:
row, row row boat
gent down streeeeeeeam
mary mary mary mary mary
Again and again. You were around 18-19 months old.
One late night we were driving home and you were still awake. You probably had a slight case of the sillies because I said Opps about something and you cracked up. You repeated it over and over, laughing hysterically after it each time. Then I introduced you to Oppsie and you thought it was equally wonderful. You were not asleep when we got home, I remember that.
You enjoy talking about colors and I was surprised to hear you count with an older kid friend in the pool. up to 14! Your favorite color is definitely yellow as you point it out everywhere and prefer to wear, in your own words, the "lellow dress." Daddy bought you a yellow towel because you fell in love with it in the store. (He said you were snuggling it to your face and seemed really sad when the cashier took it to ring it up!) You like to dry your hands on it and use it when you get out of the tub - it is a nice incentive.
You are interested in our wedding rings. One day you pointed out Mommy's ring and I told you about being married to Daddy and the ring meant that. And ever since then, when you see the ring, you say Daddy and motion to him (he's usually in the front seat driving). So Daddy told you something similar one day, though his was perhaps sweeter - "Love Mommy" is what his ring means! And you often point to our rings and tell us these things. It seems like a kind of sophisticated concept to grasp without any prompting. How could you know a ring means the other person? But you do. I think you understand way more then I realize some times.
Sometimes you melt my heart with your sweetness! In the car one day on my way to work, you looked right at me and I could tell you were working something out in your head. You said something carefully, deliberately, that I couldn't understand. I told you I didn't understand and asked you to repeat it again and again. Sometimes that question makes you stop repeating, but this time you kept on, and I was rewarded greatly by your perseverance. "I love Mommy" you said to me, looking at me intently with your lovely blue eyes. I thought of it the whole day. I was so pleased you took the time to try to say that to me and seemed to think it through so much.
There are other adorable displays of affection too. A few times, out of nowhere, you say, "Big Hug" and give me one. Sometimes you give me a sweet kiss on the cheek and say "kiss." These are lovely things. I feel like all the love I poured in to you as a little baby is coming back to me. All the hugs, all the snuggles, all the kisses, all the "i love yous" - you make me feel like the specialist person in the world during those times. I don't think I've ever quite known what it meant to feel that way. Motherhood is so sweet like that.
Speaking of motherhood, we are expecting a new one at the beginning of January! It has been so fun to talk to you about it. When we first found out at the end of April, we told you about it. You would point to my belly and say, "new baby." After a while, you started kissing my belly too. In fact, when we told my mom that I was pregnant, we did it by asking you where the new baby was! Later on, we started talking about how you would be a big sister and what some of your responsibilities might be. You seem to love it. You often tell us, "biiiig sister." It's cute to see you so proud. I hope the transition to a two-child family will actually go that smoothly! Sometimes I tell you that you grew in Mommy's tummy before you came out to live with us and you nod very seriously like you remember it.
I've had a great time walking close places with you. A few times you and I walked over to the library on Thursday nights for their kids' events together. We have so much fun! We stop to point out things along the way, take biiiig steps. At every street, we stop and I look both ways and say "no cars" when we are good to cross. (On another occasion when our family was all together, you stopped short at the street and then declared "no cars!" before walking. I was surprised you picked it up so fast and remembered to do it even when we didn't.) On the way home, we have a blast - you would try out my shoes or lay down on the grass with me, urging me to sit down beside you. Probably a little unusual, but I like having a little fun with you. I'm always a little surprised you make it walking the whole way each time. And proud. I love having a good little walking buddy! We've started walking to church recently. Since we pass train tracks, you start talking about Thomas and choo-choo when we leave the house. (You've seen Thomas once, from a DVD from the library!) But one time a train did come by and I think it was a little bigger then you expected. You asked me to pick you up. From then on, when we get within eyesight of the train, you will usually ask me to pick you up. Once we are clear of the tracks, you ask to be put down (but you always say "Up Please" instead). I cherish those walks too.
You also perplexingly call sliced cheese "cheese dat dat." My best guess is that that comes from the fact that it is the cheese Daddy puts on his sandwiches and you wanted a way to distinguish it from string cheese? We keep responding with (the right kind of) cheese, so I don't think it will go away soon.
You've shown some independence recently. You use the potty around once a day, usually first thing in the morning. Nearly every time I put you on the toliet, you do pee. But I'm not sure you've got the concept of coming and telling us ahead of time first. But you are interested in it and adorable when you do - You seem so very, very pleased with yourself. I do wonder if we are missing an opportunity by not doing potty breaks diligently though.
About two months ago, you surprised us by starting to sleep through the entire night! Before that, you would get up once in the middle of the night and I would bring you in bed with us. And then, suddenly, 8-8, out of the blue probably 6 nights out of 7. It was pretty wonderful. I thought to myself, "this worked really well for us." But that 7th night, you were wide awake at 3 or 4 and nothing could get you back to sleep. After 3 weeks or so, those bad nights got closer and closer together. One week they were every third night! I always remind myself regarding the harder things that "this too will pass." But I guess I should also remember that for the great things! Kids are ever changing, lots and lots of phases. You learn to be flexible and responsive.
And then you discovered you could get out of your crib. That was 2 days ago. Nighttime has now become very challenging. I've been talking to you about a Big Girl Bed and we've been considering whether you would still hop out of your crib if it wasn't next to the bed. We have a vacation next week, so we'll start the work next week on that. I feel like we should have know this would happen, but we are caught kind of flabbergasted.
Etsy is sort of your name for you. When we first asked you to say "Juliet," you could only manage or remember the "Et" part. So we started called you Et or Etsy and it has just stayed. The last time you saw yourself in a picture, I asked who it was and you said "Etsy." So it has become a pretty common part of our family jargon right now. We'll see if it stays.
I'm sure there are a million other things, a thing to remember for each and every day, and then some. I want to say this to you, earnestly and intently. Look me in the eye, little one, but I will repeat it forever and ever for you.
I love Juliet.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
KickyBaby v. 1.5
Juliet,
As soon as I wrote that last post about our wonderful night, you embarked on about 2 weeks of sleep troubles. Something comes to mind about counting chickens....
But we are on the other, sleeping, end of that disaster. And it has been sweet. There are several times recently where you rise from tossing and turning at night to point at your crib. And when I lay you down there, you snuggle in there and say "nigh night" in your sweet little voice. Though you often can't sleep well there either. But you try. (Probably teething.) And many nights recently, you've also snuggled in to your crib at the start of the night without tears, without anguish.... with peace. I am so glad. You still wake up in the middle of the night and I bring you in to bed though. I don't mind - it works for us.
You have been finding that sweet little voice more and more. You say all sorts of things. I remember cuddling you one of those restless nights where you worked out the way to say "one, two." Slowly, methodically, you sounded them out, "Won, Tu," to yourself. Turns out Dada taught you that that day. You actually seem to say this excitedly every time you see two of something. Can you really understand that there are 2 of something? Or am I just giving you too much credit? You love cats and will announce them, whether your stuffed ones or real ones. "Caz!" Often you just MEW instead. We've been playing with a little white kitten stuffed animal in the car recently. We meow really loud back and forth. And then one day you made the kitten dance to music in the car and I started saying "Go Kitty, Go Kitty, Go Kitty." And you think it is the best. I can't quite understand why, but it makes me feel like the funniest person on the planet. Do all moms feel that way? Especially when they are in the middle of major accomplishments like getting their little ones to laugh.
What could be sweeter?
You've also started making the shh finger and every time you do it, you say "B!" (Your nickname for your cousin Ben). So we say, "Ben is sleeping, shhhhh." Also, I cut my finger and you kept pointing at my "owie" and trying to kiss it. You also say "eis" for eggs, "wawa" for water (you've been up to this for a while), "blue," "Ello" (Othello is the name of one of the Morris' cats), "pee pee" and "poop poop" (we are preparing to potty train), "ball," "pants," "apple," "nana" (for banana), "lamby" (for your stuffed lamb). You say "Poppy" (your grandpa on your dad's side) a lot. The standards still apply: mama, dada, uh oh, all done, and no.
The no has started being accompanied by what we are referring to as the "stink eye." It is this repulsed, thoroughly-unhappy look you have been working on where your eyebrows squish down and in, your eyes narrow and you seem to peer out the sides. That's the best way I can think to describe it. But the message is clear.
You met the Easter Bunny at my work! You seemed agreeable enough. You gave the Bunny five. You waved a lot. You offered the bunny an animal cracker completely unprovoked. But when I tried to sit you on its lap, you tried to pull your legs up to your chest. You were not having it. After some more waving and the exchange of pieces of trash, you were content to sit on its lap for a few pics. But it was just fun to see your response.
You and Daddy and Mommy have had some great outdoor excursions. In the woods by Mommy's work, you watched the dogs in the dog park delightedly and Dada taught you to throw rocks in the stream. You now LOVE doing this. We all went to Robin's park and you seemed to really like rides on Dada's shoulders. Oh, I nearly forgot something something else you say a lot. Recently you will come to our feet, grab a pant leg or two, and chirp "up" in an adorable little voice. It is precious. But you also seem to say "up" in situations like the one above, where you are on dada's shoulders, and we're pretty sure you mean down. Also, "all done" is always accompanied by more eating. It is confusing. Maybe I will ask you about this when you get a little bigger. If so, I'll record it here.
At your 18 month appointment today, the doctor said you are saying a lot more words then average. I didn't know what average is, but writing this post, I'm apt to believe it.
You also are pretty sure on your feet, and growing bigger every day. You are enjoying playing with the neighbor kids. It is fun to see you traipsing around with the "big kids" and a joy to see you all interact with each other. Twice a month we carpool with Mommy's friend Amy and her daughter Zoey (who's 2.5) to NMAC functions. And Zoey just loves you. It is so cute. The last time they dropped us off she asked for a kiss from you, which you gladly provided. I just really like seeing other people interact with you. And kids are so funny, so frank with each other.
As for big, the other day you went to the edge of the bed, laid on your tummy (Oh, I almost forgot about tummy! You also show people your tummy and love pointing out your belly button and mama's belly button.), and started lowering your feet off the bed like you normally do until they touch the floor. And then you stopped. I figured you had hit a box and were perched precariously on it. But then you amazed me. You turned and you walked away. You weren't standing on a box, you were able to see over the top of the bed now! You're getting taller; You're growing up.
All my love,
Mama
As soon as I wrote that last post about our wonderful night, you embarked on about 2 weeks of sleep troubles. Something comes to mind about counting chickens....
But we are on the other, sleeping, end of that disaster. And it has been sweet. There are several times recently where you rise from tossing and turning at night to point at your crib. And when I lay you down there, you snuggle in there and say "nigh night" in your sweet little voice. Though you often can't sleep well there either. But you try. (Probably teething.) And many nights recently, you've also snuggled in to your crib at the start of the night without tears, without anguish.... with peace. I am so glad. You still wake up in the middle of the night and I bring you in to bed though. I don't mind - it works for us.
You have been finding that sweet little voice more and more. You say all sorts of things. I remember cuddling you one of those restless nights where you worked out the way to say "one, two." Slowly, methodically, you sounded them out, "Won, Tu," to yourself. Turns out Dada taught you that that day. You actually seem to say this excitedly every time you see two of something. Can you really understand that there are 2 of something? Or am I just giving you too much credit? You love cats and will announce them, whether your stuffed ones or real ones. "Caz!" Often you just MEW instead. We've been playing with a little white kitten stuffed animal in the car recently. We meow really loud back and forth. And then one day you made the kitten dance to music in the car and I started saying "Go Kitty, Go Kitty, Go Kitty." And you think it is the best. I can't quite understand why, but it makes me feel like the funniest person on the planet. Do all moms feel that way? Especially when they are in the middle of major accomplishments like getting their little ones to laugh.
What could be sweeter?
You've also started making the shh finger and every time you do it, you say "B!" (Your nickname for your cousin Ben). So we say, "Ben is sleeping, shhhhh." Also, I cut my finger and you kept pointing at my "owie" and trying to kiss it. You also say "eis" for eggs, "wawa" for water (you've been up to this for a while), "blue," "Ello" (Othello is the name of one of the Morris' cats), "pee pee" and "poop poop" (we are preparing to potty train), "ball," "pants," "apple," "nana" (for banana), "lamby" (for your stuffed lamb). You say "Poppy" (your grandpa on your dad's side) a lot. The standards still apply: mama, dada, uh oh, all done, and no.
The no has started being accompanied by what we are referring to as the "stink eye." It is this repulsed, thoroughly-unhappy look you have been working on where your eyebrows squish down and in, your eyes narrow and you seem to peer out the sides. That's the best way I can think to describe it. But the message is clear.
You met the Easter Bunny at my work! You seemed agreeable enough. You gave the Bunny five. You waved a lot. You offered the bunny an animal cracker completely unprovoked. But when I tried to sit you on its lap, you tried to pull your legs up to your chest. You were not having it. After some more waving and the exchange of pieces of trash, you were content to sit on its lap for a few pics. But it was just fun to see your response.
You and Daddy and Mommy have had some great outdoor excursions. In the woods by Mommy's work, you watched the dogs in the dog park delightedly and Dada taught you to throw rocks in the stream. You now LOVE doing this. We all went to Robin's park and you seemed to really like rides on Dada's shoulders. Oh, I nearly forgot something something else you say a lot. Recently you will come to our feet, grab a pant leg or two, and chirp "up" in an adorable little voice. It is precious. But you also seem to say "up" in situations like the one above, where you are on dada's shoulders, and we're pretty sure you mean down. Also, "all done" is always accompanied by more eating. It is confusing. Maybe I will ask you about this when you get a little bigger. If so, I'll record it here.
At your 18 month appointment today, the doctor said you are saying a lot more words then average. I didn't know what average is, but writing this post, I'm apt to believe it.
You also are pretty sure on your feet, and growing bigger every day. You are enjoying playing with the neighbor kids. It is fun to see you traipsing around with the "big kids" and a joy to see you all interact with each other. Twice a month we carpool with Mommy's friend Amy and her daughter Zoey (who's 2.5) to NMAC functions. And Zoey just loves you. It is so cute. The last time they dropped us off she asked for a kiss from you, which you gladly provided. I just really like seeing other people interact with you. And kids are so funny, so frank with each other.
As for big, the other day you went to the edge of the bed, laid on your tummy (Oh, I almost forgot about tummy! You also show people your tummy and love pointing out your belly button and mama's belly button.), and started lowering your feet off the bed like you normally do until they touch the floor. And then you stopped. I figured you had hit a box and were perched precariously on it. But then you amazed me. You turned and you walked away. You weren't standing on a box, you were able to see over the top of the bed now! You're getting taller; You're growing up.
All my love,
Mama
Monday, February 20, 2012
17 months and A Great Day
Dearest Juliet,
I had the greatest night with you tonight. You are growing more and more in to your own person and it is fun to be able to share time with you.
I made up a new game in your carseat today where I made your legs do all sorts of things - clap together, go in circles, kick - along with some song I have instantly forgotten. And you seemed absolutely delighted. True, I could only think of a handful of things I repeated over and over (note to self: work on creativity) but you seemed so amused. When I got to the kicking part one time, you moved your leg away from my hands and showed me how you could kick to the song on your own. As if to say, "I get it, Mom." But in a sweet way.
When we got in the house, you raced right over to the sofa. You pointed up to it and looked at me. I usually ask you where you want to go to read a book or cuddle when I get home and you usually slowly walk over to the sofa/glider/rocking chair, but today you were proactive. Me and Mommy, here, pronto! We've started letting you watch little pieces of a movie called Ponyo, so you will often request that after a while in your adorable little voice by saying "Ponyo! Ponyo!" and pointing at the tv. (I am having second thoughts about letting you watch anything though.)
Speaking of which, your singing is absolutely precious. I'm trying to learn the words to Awake My Soul in one of our little booklets and now, each time you see the booklet, you pick it up and start singing with sweet sincerity. I've noticed that "dada" makes it in to a lot of the songs lately. But so passionate and loving those songs are. I know I won't be able to remember that - I don't have much of an ear for the way things sound. So I hope we record you soon.
After we got home, we went outside with Dada and Dog. More laughing as we run and you locate little things to show to Dada. You have decided that he absolutely loves rocks and any time you see one (and it is often), you pick it up, examine it, and whisper "dada" as if to yourself. You seem convinced that he will love this treasure as well.
You are also a fan of sticks. We got a great deal on LivingSocial for a year's membership to the Elmwood Park Zoo. So we took you this past weekend and it was interesting to notice the difference from the last time we went there, on your 1-year-old birthday. Now you're mobile, for one. And you want to spend a lot of time walking back and forth and picking up rocks. Sometimes you crouched down and seemed to peer in at some of the animals, but most of them were sleeping so I couldn't tell if you were genuinely looking at them or mimicking me! And eventually you found two sticks you hit together while you walked around and then put in holes in the perimeter's fence. They were a hit, though they seemed kind of dangerous. (Isn't everything?) At first I thought the highlight for you was going to be walking up and down a ramp, but once you saw the otters scampering around and swimming, we had met your joy. You laughed outright when you saw first saw them. And you continued to laugh joyfully at them. Every time they went in the water, though, you said "uh oh." Maybe you thought they weren't supposed to do that.
We also got a great deal on a membership to the Mercer Museum via LivingSocial. We took you there as well. You fell asleep in the car and slept in my arms for most of the trip. (It's not exactly kid-proofed there.) But you woke up in time to visit the kids' area, a really cute setup that included a hen sitting on a nest, which you picked up and carried around, and a little rocking chair on a kids' size porch next to a tiny butter churn. It was adorable to see you sitting there. I tried to snap a few pics, but you are fast. I am afraid we haven't been very good picture-takers since you've become so mobile. We're just trying to get you not to eat the dog food, I guess.
So those will be two of Daddy's options when he is looking for something to do with you this year. I am very proud of those finds. If we go twice, they have paid for themselves. And hopefully they will encourage more visits then that! Also, Daddy took you to his first playgroup at our friend Savanna's invitation. And it seems like great fun! I'm glad he found something like that to take you to because I really enjoy things like that but it can be hard for a stay-at-home Daddy to find a place to fit in sometimes. I am so tickled thinking of you two having a blast there. I heard that you love the parachute. And last time you and Daddy made a few hand-prints for me in paint and that makes me sooooo happy. You see, I'm sad we didn't get hand prints of you as a newborn. Dada says that it would have been really hard to get you to be still for that, but I still wish we had your hands somewhere to remember how tiny they were. For many months, we had little tiny hand prints on the bathroom mirror from Dada's demonstration of how hard it would be. I loved those prints. Luckily Dada washed the mirror, because I don't think I could have done it. But what remains in my mind is the joy at seeing them again and again. It is as if you have made your imprint on our life in the same way. Subtle yet constant, and overwhelmingly precious.
So tonight we ate our dinner and took our bath. Your hair had that adorable crazy look to it, all light curls and crazy wisps. Lovely. And we snuggled to sleep, singing and telling a story and saying a prayer, and you looked at me with this look like you might be the happiest little girl in the world. And it filled my heart with joy to see it. While we snuggled before bed, you kept hanging your head upside down, arching your back over my knees. You seemed so pleased and would pop back up to look at me and then, whoop, back down you would go. I would trace the lines of your little jaw, your rib cage stuck out, and your round little tummy. No longer a little baby, you are becoming our child, our little girl. I sang to you some more instead of tucking you right in to bed. (Bedtimes are MUCH better now! I lay you down sleepy and tuck the covers around you. Then we do a tradition you started unexpectedly. Once day when I laid you down and bundled you up, you raised one little arm, waving your hand and said "Night Night." It sounded more like Nigh Night actually. So I answered back. And now as I leave, we say softly to each other, Nigh Night, Nigh Night, Nigh Night. And once I am out of earshot, I sometimes hear you talking softly until you fall asleep. It is so peaceful - I never thought we would get there. By no means are bedtimes always smooth, but I thought we were going to have to choose between letting you cry in your crib or holding you all night. This is better for everyone. Though I do still like our snuggles. Hello tangent.) So the song I sang tonight is from a CD I remember listening to when my brother, your Uncle Zach, was a baby. Of course, you have the girl version and he the boy, but some of the songs overlap and this one I just love. So I will end with that, dear one. Daddy says that once you go to sleep, when we talk about you he can't wait to see you, like Christmas. He almost wants to go wake you up! And tonight I know exactly what he means. I know that right now you are in the room next door, sleeping peacefully, and my heart feels like it may explode. What a good day.
Your tummy is full.
We've taken a bath.
I tickle your toes -
we both have a laugh.
I turn out the light
'cause everything's right.
So let's say good night to the world.
Today is fading
but tomorrow is waiting.
Waiting for baby to wake up and play.
I had the greatest night with you tonight. You are growing more and more in to your own person and it is fun to be able to share time with you.
I made up a new game in your carseat today where I made your legs do all sorts of things - clap together, go in circles, kick - along with some song I have instantly forgotten. And you seemed absolutely delighted. True, I could only think of a handful of things I repeated over and over (note to self: work on creativity) but you seemed so amused. When I got to the kicking part one time, you moved your leg away from my hands and showed me how you could kick to the song on your own. As if to say, "I get it, Mom." But in a sweet way.
When we got in the house, you raced right over to the sofa. You pointed up to it and looked at me. I usually ask you where you want to go to read a book or cuddle when I get home and you usually slowly walk over to the sofa/glider/rocking chair, but today you were proactive. Me and Mommy, here, pronto! We've started letting you watch little pieces of a movie called Ponyo, so you will often request that after a while in your adorable little voice by saying "Ponyo! Ponyo!" and pointing at the tv. (I am having second thoughts about letting you watch anything though.)
Speaking of which, your singing is absolutely precious. I'm trying to learn the words to Awake My Soul in one of our little booklets and now, each time you see the booklet, you pick it up and start singing with sweet sincerity. I've noticed that "dada" makes it in to a lot of the songs lately. But so passionate and loving those songs are. I know I won't be able to remember that - I don't have much of an ear for the way things sound. So I hope we record you soon.
After we got home, we went outside with Dada and Dog. More laughing as we run and you locate little things to show to Dada. You have decided that he absolutely loves rocks and any time you see one (and it is often), you pick it up, examine it, and whisper "dada" as if to yourself. You seem convinced that he will love this treasure as well.
You are also a fan of sticks. We got a great deal on LivingSocial for a year's membership to the Elmwood Park Zoo. So we took you this past weekend and it was interesting to notice the difference from the last time we went there, on your 1-year-old birthday. Now you're mobile, for one. And you want to spend a lot of time walking back and forth and picking up rocks. Sometimes you crouched down and seemed to peer in at some of the animals, but most of them were sleeping so I couldn't tell if you were genuinely looking at them or mimicking me! And eventually you found two sticks you hit together while you walked around and then put in holes in the perimeter's fence. They were a hit, though they seemed kind of dangerous. (Isn't everything?) At first I thought the highlight for you was going to be walking up and down a ramp, but once you saw the otters scampering around and swimming, we had met your joy. You laughed outright when you saw first saw them. And you continued to laugh joyfully at them. Every time they went in the water, though, you said "uh oh." Maybe you thought they weren't supposed to do that.
We also got a great deal on a membership to the Mercer Museum via LivingSocial. We took you there as well. You fell asleep in the car and slept in my arms for most of the trip. (It's not exactly kid-proofed there.) But you woke up in time to visit the kids' area, a really cute setup that included a hen sitting on a nest, which you picked up and carried around, and a little rocking chair on a kids' size porch next to a tiny butter churn. It was adorable to see you sitting there. I tried to snap a few pics, but you are fast. I am afraid we haven't been very good picture-takers since you've become so mobile. We're just trying to get you not to eat the dog food, I guess.
So those will be two of Daddy's options when he is looking for something to do with you this year. I am very proud of those finds. If we go twice, they have paid for themselves. And hopefully they will encourage more visits then that! Also, Daddy took you to his first playgroup at our friend Savanna's invitation. And it seems like great fun! I'm glad he found something like that to take you to because I really enjoy things like that but it can be hard for a stay-at-home Daddy to find a place to fit in sometimes. I am so tickled thinking of you two having a blast there. I heard that you love the parachute. And last time you and Daddy made a few hand-prints for me in paint and that makes me sooooo happy. You see, I'm sad we didn't get hand prints of you as a newborn. Dada says that it would have been really hard to get you to be still for that, but I still wish we had your hands somewhere to remember how tiny they were. For many months, we had little tiny hand prints on the bathroom mirror from Dada's demonstration of how hard it would be. I loved those prints. Luckily Dada washed the mirror, because I don't think I could have done it. But what remains in my mind is the joy at seeing them again and again. It is as if you have made your imprint on our life in the same way. Subtle yet constant, and overwhelmingly precious.
So tonight we ate our dinner and took our bath. Your hair had that adorable crazy look to it, all light curls and crazy wisps. Lovely. And we snuggled to sleep, singing and telling a story and saying a prayer, and you looked at me with this look like you might be the happiest little girl in the world. And it filled my heart with joy to see it. While we snuggled before bed, you kept hanging your head upside down, arching your back over my knees. You seemed so pleased and would pop back up to look at me and then, whoop, back down you would go. I would trace the lines of your little jaw, your rib cage stuck out, and your round little tummy. No longer a little baby, you are becoming our child, our little girl. I sang to you some more instead of tucking you right in to bed. (Bedtimes are MUCH better now! I lay you down sleepy and tuck the covers around you. Then we do a tradition you started unexpectedly. Once day when I laid you down and bundled you up, you raised one little arm, waving your hand and said "Night Night." It sounded more like Nigh Night actually. So I answered back. And now as I leave, we say softly to each other, Nigh Night, Nigh Night, Nigh Night. And once I am out of earshot, I sometimes hear you talking softly until you fall asleep. It is so peaceful - I never thought we would get there. By no means are bedtimes always smooth, but I thought we were going to have to choose between letting you cry in your crib or holding you all night. This is better for everyone. Though I do still like our snuggles. Hello tangent.) So the song I sang tonight is from a CD I remember listening to when my brother, your Uncle Zach, was a baby. Of course, you have the girl version and he the boy, but some of the songs overlap and this one I just love. So I will end with that, dear one. Daddy says that once you go to sleep, when we talk about you he can't wait to see you, like Christmas. He almost wants to go wake you up! And tonight I know exactly what he means. I know that right now you are in the room next door, sleeping peacefully, and my heart feels like it may explode. What a good day.
Your tummy is full.
We've taken a bath.
I tickle your toes -
we both have a laugh.
I turn out the light
'cause everything's right.
So let's say good night to the world.
Today is fading
but tomorrow is waiting.
Waiting for baby to wake up and play.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
15 months, a second Christmas, and other milestones
Hello Darling,
I read a blog post recently about how children thrive on quality time, how their little hearts overflow with joy and rightness when we play with them. (I'm paraphrasing here.) It reminded me of our play time. The adorable little jokes we share, the smiles and giggles and games. We play especially in the car when I sit next to you in your carseat. I've noticed I've set up a lot of silly cause and effect games and you seem to love them. You've also become really interactive. Today I put your sock over my nose, and you took your other sock and put it over your nose! How funny! You also have always liked holding your hands up while I bounce my hand back and forth between them. But today, for the first time, you took that beloved hand and gave it a huge hug. What a sweet gesture!
You walk all over, well, and fast. It is hard to remember a time when you didn't walk. I can hardly remember those newborn days now. You like to sit on things - pillows, boxes, anything really. You like to put toys in things and take them out. I've found all sort of things in the pots in the (forbidden) island cabinets. One of my favorite walking memories was when I got an idea that you would like a walking trip and we got some food from Wawa and went over to a park with a big grassy knoll. It was kind of chilly, but you loved standing by the side of the picnic table and having lunch and then you were delighted as we explored on your terms, letting you walk through fields and across baseball diamonds. You got awfully dirty, black lines under your nails and across your bottom (you were falling pretty frequently then - you hardly ever fall now!). But you were so delighted, your eyes sparkled. You picked up sticks and rocks and black walnut fruits. You ran around a fence. And then I picked you up and galloped around and you loved it so much you bobbed up and down when I would stop. There was so much laughter, Baby Girl. It was a very good day.
You added Mama to your vocabulary recently. In an overnight where you struggled with sleep, you just kind of said it. I was pretty blearly-eyed then but you've said it often enough since then for me to appreciate it. You've added other things since then and seem to copy words and phrases we say, as if trying them out. You say Amen at the end of prayers. And today after I nursed you, I asked if you wanted more (sign for more) milk (sign for milk) or if you were all done (sign for all done) and you said, "All Done." I was amazed. You do seem to like your signs. You are even interested in ones I haven't gone out of my way to teach you, like those in your Bedtime Signs book. You sign Moon and Stars and Light pretty unprovoked when we read it. Are these the things you like?
But it is clear you understand so much more then what you say. I am always kind of awed when you do what I say - when I tell you to put the block in the box and you do it, when I tell you we are going to go get some water and you walk with me, when I tell you the fire is hot and you waggle your finger at it and (usually) back away. How did this happen, darling one? How did you go from that new baby to someone learning language? I guess it shouldn't be a shock (we have all done it, right?) but it is so amazing to me. Without forcing, without hardly trying (though I did take the advice to heart to narrate everything I do in the early months and did it compulsively), you have learned language. It amazes me. I wait for your words, Dear. I wonder at the person you are showing us, word by word and gesture by gesture. My heart bursts to be a part of this adventure.
You had your second Christmas. You loved the tree and pointed at it over and over. We bought candy canes for you to hang on lower limbs which you really enjoyed. We bought an advent book and did 3ish out of 25 days. At that rate, in 8 years we will be doing all 25! Your Daddy is planning to make ornaments for our advent remembrances, one for each day/lesson. I didn't grow up with an Advent celebration and neither did your dad, but I wanted us to have a way to center and focus as a family. You sort of got the unwrapping of presents part. We would have to pull an edge of wrapping paper off and you would finish the motion, but you aren't yet in the frazzled wild animal stage of unwrapping that some kids get to. And you want to sit down and play with each and every present. We had to urge you on or take them away - otherwise each Christmas would have taken hours! My special present to you were two dolls I made out of yarn. You seemed to like them. I was far more pleased with the color and style of the girl doll (I almost didn't give you the boy and considered making him in to a girl), but you have a strong preference for the boy doll. (The differences are the colors and that his bottom half is braided in to legs instead of left loose in a dress.) Last I saw you play with the girl, you were shoving her in your play microwave. Oh well! I guess that shows me. I also went out last minute with your Grammy and got you a car. You seem to really love playing with cars. I want to try to be open to your preferences, instead of assuming things, like that you will like the girl doll better or that you will not like playing with cars. I am sort of looking forward to your clothing choices when you are old enough to dress yourself. =) One of your favorite toys was one your Aunt Beth spied at a thrift store and is the same toy that they have in the church nursery. I didn't get it at first and we went back the next day to pick it up. You accidentally saw it and pointed at it emphatically. Problem is, I sprayed it severely with disinfectant. All. Over. On every surface and in every pore. Not considering that it had holes for the speakers (it sings Sesame Street songs when you manipulate levers to make the doors/windows/trashcans pop open), I shorted something out and was devastated to find out that only half of the characters worked on Christmas Eve. And it leaked disinfectant spray. Ick! Christmas morning, one more character worked. And by Christmas Eve, by george, Oscar the Grouch was back with us as well. I guess it was sort of like Mommy's little Christmas miracle.
It's getting late, but I just wanted to quickly capture some memories. The time goes so very fast. It is dizzying in the grand scheme. And I pray that every day I cherish the small moments and, as the title of this blog suggests, capture them for the future.
I love you.
Mama
I read a blog post recently about how children thrive on quality time, how their little hearts overflow with joy and rightness when we play with them. (I'm paraphrasing here.) It reminded me of our play time. The adorable little jokes we share, the smiles and giggles and games. We play especially in the car when I sit next to you in your carseat. I've noticed I've set up a lot of silly cause and effect games and you seem to love them. You've also become really interactive. Today I put your sock over my nose, and you took your other sock and put it over your nose! How funny! You also have always liked holding your hands up while I bounce my hand back and forth between them. But today, for the first time, you took that beloved hand and gave it a huge hug. What a sweet gesture!
You walk all over, well, and fast. It is hard to remember a time when you didn't walk. I can hardly remember those newborn days now. You like to sit on things - pillows, boxes, anything really. You like to put toys in things and take them out. I've found all sort of things in the pots in the (forbidden) island cabinets. One of my favorite walking memories was when I got an idea that you would like a walking trip and we got some food from Wawa and went over to a park with a big grassy knoll. It was kind of chilly, but you loved standing by the side of the picnic table and having lunch and then you were delighted as we explored on your terms, letting you walk through fields and across baseball diamonds. You got awfully dirty, black lines under your nails and across your bottom (you were falling pretty frequently then - you hardly ever fall now!). But you were so delighted, your eyes sparkled. You picked up sticks and rocks and black walnut fruits. You ran around a fence. And then I picked you up and galloped around and you loved it so much you bobbed up and down when I would stop. There was so much laughter, Baby Girl. It was a very good day.
You added Mama to your vocabulary recently. In an overnight where you struggled with sleep, you just kind of said it. I was pretty blearly-eyed then but you've said it often enough since then for me to appreciate it. You've added other things since then and seem to copy words and phrases we say, as if trying them out. You say Amen at the end of prayers. And today after I nursed you, I asked if you wanted more (sign for more) milk (sign for milk) or if you were all done (sign for all done) and you said, "All Done." I was amazed. You do seem to like your signs. You are even interested in ones I haven't gone out of my way to teach you, like those in your Bedtime Signs book. You sign Moon and Stars and Light pretty unprovoked when we read it. Are these the things you like?
But it is clear you understand so much more then what you say. I am always kind of awed when you do what I say - when I tell you to put the block in the box and you do it, when I tell you we are going to go get some water and you walk with me, when I tell you the fire is hot and you waggle your finger at it and (usually) back away. How did this happen, darling one? How did you go from that new baby to someone learning language? I guess it shouldn't be a shock (we have all done it, right?) but it is so amazing to me. Without forcing, without hardly trying (though I did take the advice to heart to narrate everything I do in the early months and did it compulsively), you have learned language. It amazes me. I wait for your words, Dear. I wonder at the person you are showing us, word by word and gesture by gesture. My heart bursts to be a part of this adventure.
You had your second Christmas. You loved the tree and pointed at it over and over. We bought candy canes for you to hang on lower limbs which you really enjoyed. We bought an advent book and did 3ish out of 25 days. At that rate, in 8 years we will be doing all 25! Your Daddy is planning to make ornaments for our advent remembrances, one for each day/lesson. I didn't grow up with an Advent celebration and neither did your dad, but I wanted us to have a way to center and focus as a family. You sort of got the unwrapping of presents part. We would have to pull an edge of wrapping paper off and you would finish the motion, but you aren't yet in the frazzled wild animal stage of unwrapping that some kids get to. And you want to sit down and play with each and every present. We had to urge you on or take them away - otherwise each Christmas would have taken hours! My special present to you were two dolls I made out of yarn. You seemed to like them. I was far more pleased with the color and style of the girl doll (I almost didn't give you the boy and considered making him in to a girl), but you have a strong preference for the boy doll. (The differences are the colors and that his bottom half is braided in to legs instead of left loose in a dress.) Last I saw you play with the girl, you were shoving her in your play microwave. Oh well! I guess that shows me. I also went out last minute with your Grammy and got you a car. You seem to really love playing with cars. I want to try to be open to your preferences, instead of assuming things, like that you will like the girl doll better or that you will not like playing with cars. I am sort of looking forward to your clothing choices when you are old enough to dress yourself. =) One of your favorite toys was one your Aunt Beth spied at a thrift store and is the same toy that they have in the church nursery. I didn't get it at first and we went back the next day to pick it up. You accidentally saw it and pointed at it emphatically. Problem is, I sprayed it severely with disinfectant. All. Over. On every surface and in every pore. Not considering that it had holes for the speakers (it sings Sesame Street songs when you manipulate levers to make the doors/windows/trashcans pop open), I shorted something out and was devastated to find out that only half of the characters worked on Christmas Eve. And it leaked disinfectant spray. Ick! Christmas morning, one more character worked. And by Christmas Eve, by george, Oscar the Grouch was back with us as well. I guess it was sort of like Mommy's little Christmas miracle.
It's getting late, but I just wanted to quickly capture some memories. The time goes so very fast. It is dizzying in the grand scheme. And I pray that every day I cherish the small moments and, as the title of this blog suggests, capture them for the future.
I love you.
Mama
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