It has been 4 days since little brother was born. The house is in upheaval, everything different then before, kind of chaotic.
Last night was the first night I put Juliet to bed since we became a family of 4. She put her face right in front of mine, nearly touching noses, and feel asleep while I sang to her. This is strange from a child who usually cries to sleep, no matter what you do to get her to sleepiness.
Tonight we started getting ready for bed. First we read books. I'm always amazed what Juliet remembers. When I picked up Counting Kisses, she said, "my tired little baby, do you need a kiss?" (The first line of the book.) When we got to prayer, we heard Baby Brother crying and Juliet said she wanted more coconut milk. So we decided to get Juliet milk and give brother milk and then go back to bed. While I nursed Jonah, Juliet climbed all over Daddy on the floor. It was adorable and she seemed so happy. I don't think I've seen them do that before. And then I handed a sleeping Jonah off to Daddy and Juliet and I went back to her bed. We prayed, thanking God for all the different animals he made that Juliet loves (sharks, whales, dolphins, bald eagles), and then we sang our songs.
When they were done, Juliet said, "I can't go to sleep." This is fairly typical; going to sleep is generally hard for her. I talked to her about things that make it hard for me to go to sleep - not wanting the day to be over, or having problems settling my mind and body. She just repeated that she couldn't sleep. She came to the end of the bed where I was sitting and laid on my lap, facing away, and I rocked her back and forth. I imagined a boat rocking in the current. And I thought about being her mom over the past two years. I remembered laying in my bed with her, playing with our hands in the air, making them float down like leaves. About how we don't do that anymore and how I don't want to forget that, or forget any of it. I realized I would never again be Just Her Mommy and it made me profoundly sad. (I am postpartum, after all.) And then she got up and went and sat in front of her pillow. She asked for kisses (we do one for each cheek, one for each hand to hold for later, and one for the forehead for good dreams/thoughts). I don't think she realized I was sad. I'm pretty sure I was crying, but it was dark. And after the kisses, she sweetly and matter-of-factly said, "Night Night Mommy," and that was that. I said Night Night back and I left without her yelling, without tears. Softly, sweetly.
Suddenly, she seemed so grown up.
And I loved her, then and now.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Monday, December 24, 2012
An Update from Juliet
Today is Christmas Eve. Mommy is big with baby and Juliet is getting ready to be a big sister. This blog is [ahem, was intended to be] written with Juliet to capture her favorites and her thoughts.
Mommy: What are your favorite books?
Juliet: This.
M: That's a guide on how to play Daddy's game.
J: A fish. I found a fish.
M: Yes, that is a game about fish. And you love fish.
J: I can't open it Mommy. This is a move.... (I think she's going for movie and thinking about it.)
M: That's a game.
J: This is not a game. Let's find a new movie. Do you know where Babies is, Mommy?
M: Yes! I put it back on the shelf. Do you want to watch it? Go get it.
J: I have the Babies right here! Do you want to watch Babies?
M: Okay. I think that might be fun.
Here, the Babies DVD kisses me.
And so we're watching the movie Babies now. I remember the first time I watched it with Juliet and she was entranced. That was probably when she was closer to a year old. We watched it in a bunch of pieces. Now I found it on Amazon for $6 and bought it. For some reason I don't have those pangs of guilt when she watches it. We talk about what is going on and about the Babies. It nearly feels educational.
A few of Juliet's favorites:
Favorite Toys: These small (probably 5 inches tall), round fuzzy things. Made by TY, the previous makers of Beanie Babies. Juliet started with Picky (a pink one) bought by Daddy at Rite-Aid because Juliet loved it. Mommy thought he was being a sucker, but Juliet has really loved that toy. She is always asking, "Where's Pinky?" It's not exactly a security thing because we don't have to find it. But we often talk about where it is. Then we added Pengy, one that looks like a penguin. And Grammy (Matt's mom) and Aunt Beth picked up a caterpillar-type of colorful striped one. It's tag said Gumdrop and Juliet started calling it "Icedrop" and it stuck. I think they got her another one for Christmas! (Don't tell her.)
Favorite Books: Owl Babies (Little Owl Baby Bill always says, "I want my mommy!" One time Daddy said that Juliet was looking at the book while I was at working and saying, "I want my Rachel!"); Moonhorse (I love the language in that book. Juliet somehow knows the name of the Illustrator of that book too. I'm not sure why.); Inside Mouse Outside Mouse
I asked Juliet if she has a favorite color. She said, " I have a favorite..... I wonder, where the cows?"
Juliet loves animals. She loved this book Daddy has called Big Fish and she recognizes a lot of the fish in there, especially the sharks and yellowfin tuna. She used to always look for the section page titled, "Not Dangerous But Big." I dont know if I wrote that before.
J: I see cows!
Maybe because of Daddy's field guide collection, Juliet knows all about the types of underwater creatures and birds. Gmom and Grandpa reported that they were looking at a book with Juliet with a bird in it and she declared, "blue egret!" She is definitely her Daddy's daughter. That certainly didn't come from me.
I've just started talking to her about the sounds that letters make. She seems pretty amazed. We'll be looking through a book and she'll say, "Do that word," and point at a word and we sound it out. I'm a little rusty on the vowels, I have to admit.
Right now at bed we read 2 books, say a prayer (Juliet requests we pray for good dreams, and last night we prayed for good dreams for Pengy) and then sing songs. I started opening my repertoire out a bit. We used to sing Deer (As the Deer Panteth for the Water which, coincidentally, is the song that my water broke during for Juliet) and then a few pirate songs Daddy introduced us to (referred to as Ship and Bowl). Now Juliet requests the same songs in the same order: Deer, Starry Night, Crossroads, and Sweet Baby James. I remember my Dad singing Sweet Baby James to us when we were little and I'm happy to carry on the tradition.
Juliet is still a pretty good eater. She seems to like her vegetables.
She is very empathetic. When I start getting overwhelmed (being pregnant with a toddler is not easy!) she says, "Don't cry Mommy!"
J: Do you know where Pinky is?
M: I think he's in bed.
We talk about what Baby Brother or Little Brother will do and be like. When I read Juliet books, she points to my other knee and says, "LittleBrother goes there." Gmom told her that LittleBrother will probably grab her finger and she likes talking about that recently and pantomiming holding and rocking him.
Gmom asked Juliet what little brother's name is and she said, "That's a very good question." (We keep that secret until birth.)
I think I've got to go. The katamari game is jumping on the keyboard and Juliet is telling it, "No, don't do that Katamari." I guess this is as good a record as any. This is about how it is here.
I wait for new brother with nervousness. This has been a pretty easy pregnancy physically. A little sciatica when laying down was my biggest physical complaint. Until 37 weeks, I would tell people I didn't remember I was pregnant until I caught a glimpse of my reflection. And then that changed at 37 weeks and I feel very achy by the time I get to bed. And, starting this weekend, I'm completely frantic with my to-do list. I believe this is called nesting, which makes it seem quaint, but it feels like torture. And then combine that with Christmas to-dos and it has been really challenging. Mentally, this has been a very hard pregnancy for me. I can't imagine a newborn and a toddler together.
A story. A few months ago, at dinner at my parents' house, Juliet got down from the table. We asked her if she was going to come eat. She said, "I'm too busy." She started playing with her toys and declared, "I'm exhausted." We laughed. My mom pointed out, "That's a toddler with a pregnant mommy - busy and exhausted!"
So, with that laugh, Merry Christmas! I have to keep reminding myself not to stress over the tree not up, the things undone. It's hard. And through this all, I hope I've been a good mom to Juliet and will be able to navigate motherhood of 2 when it comes. This journey of motherhood is always changing.
Mommy: What are your favorite books?
Juliet: This.
M: That's a guide on how to play Daddy's game.
J: A fish. I found a fish.
M: Yes, that is a game about fish. And you love fish.
J: I can't open it Mommy. This is a move.... (I think she's going for movie and thinking about it.)
M: That's a game.
J: This is not a game. Let's find a new movie. Do you know where Babies is, Mommy?
M: Yes! I put it back on the shelf. Do you want to watch it? Go get it.
J: I have the Babies right here! Do you want to watch Babies?
M: Okay. I think that might be fun.
Here, the Babies DVD kisses me.
And so we're watching the movie Babies now. I remember the first time I watched it with Juliet and she was entranced. That was probably when she was closer to a year old. We watched it in a bunch of pieces. Now I found it on Amazon for $6 and bought it. For some reason I don't have those pangs of guilt when she watches it. We talk about what is going on and about the Babies. It nearly feels educational.
A few of Juliet's favorites:
Favorite Toys: These small (probably 5 inches tall), round fuzzy things. Made by TY, the previous makers of Beanie Babies. Juliet started with Picky (a pink one) bought by Daddy at Rite-Aid because Juliet loved it. Mommy thought he was being a sucker, but Juliet has really loved that toy. She is always asking, "Where's Pinky?" It's not exactly a security thing because we don't have to find it. But we often talk about where it is. Then we added Pengy, one that looks like a penguin. And Grammy (Matt's mom) and Aunt Beth picked up a caterpillar-type of colorful striped one. It's tag said Gumdrop and Juliet started calling it "Icedrop" and it stuck. I think they got her another one for Christmas! (Don't tell her.)
Favorite Books: Owl Babies (Little Owl Baby Bill always says, "I want my mommy!" One time Daddy said that Juliet was looking at the book while I was at working and saying, "I want my Rachel!"); Moonhorse (I love the language in that book. Juliet somehow knows the name of the Illustrator of that book too. I'm not sure why.); Inside Mouse Outside Mouse
I asked Juliet if she has a favorite color. She said, " I have a favorite..... I wonder, where the cows?"
Juliet loves animals. She loved this book Daddy has called Big Fish and she recognizes a lot of the fish in there, especially the sharks and yellowfin tuna. She used to always look for the section page titled, "Not Dangerous But Big." I dont know if I wrote that before.
J: I see cows!
Maybe because of Daddy's field guide collection, Juliet knows all about the types of underwater creatures and birds. Gmom and Grandpa reported that they were looking at a book with Juliet with a bird in it and she declared, "blue egret!" She is definitely her Daddy's daughter. That certainly didn't come from me.
I've just started talking to her about the sounds that letters make. She seems pretty amazed. We'll be looking through a book and she'll say, "Do that word," and point at a word and we sound it out. I'm a little rusty on the vowels, I have to admit.
Right now at bed we read 2 books, say a prayer (Juliet requests we pray for good dreams, and last night we prayed for good dreams for Pengy) and then sing songs. I started opening my repertoire out a bit. We used to sing Deer (As the Deer Panteth for the Water which, coincidentally, is the song that my water broke during for Juliet) and then a few pirate songs Daddy introduced us to (referred to as Ship and Bowl). Now Juliet requests the same songs in the same order: Deer, Starry Night, Crossroads, and Sweet Baby James. I remember my Dad singing Sweet Baby James to us when we were little and I'm happy to carry on the tradition.
Juliet is still a pretty good eater. She seems to like her vegetables.
She is very empathetic. When I start getting overwhelmed (being pregnant with a toddler is not easy!) she says, "Don't cry Mommy!"
J: Do you know where Pinky is?
M: I think he's in bed.
We talk about what Baby Brother or Little Brother will do and be like. When I read Juliet books, she points to my other knee and says, "LittleBrother goes there." Gmom told her that LittleBrother will probably grab her finger and she likes talking about that recently and pantomiming holding and rocking him.
Gmom asked Juliet what little brother's name is and she said, "That's a very good question." (We keep that secret until birth.)
I think I've got to go. The katamari game is jumping on the keyboard and Juliet is telling it, "No, don't do that Katamari." I guess this is as good a record as any. This is about how it is here.
I wait for new brother with nervousness. This has been a pretty easy pregnancy physically. A little sciatica when laying down was my biggest physical complaint. Until 37 weeks, I would tell people I didn't remember I was pregnant until I caught a glimpse of my reflection. And then that changed at 37 weeks and I feel very achy by the time I get to bed. And, starting this weekend, I'm completely frantic with my to-do list. I believe this is called nesting, which makes it seem quaint, but it feels like torture. And then combine that with Christmas to-dos and it has been really challenging. Mentally, this has been a very hard pregnancy for me. I can't imagine a newborn and a toddler together.
A story. A few months ago, at dinner at my parents' house, Juliet got down from the table. We asked her if she was going to come eat. She said, "I'm too busy." She started playing with her toys and declared, "I'm exhausted." We laughed. My mom pointed out, "That's a toddler with a pregnant mommy - busy and exhausted!"
So, with that laugh, Merry Christmas! I have to keep reminding myself not to stress over the tree not up, the things undone. It's hard. And through this all, I hope I've been a good mom to Juliet and will be able to navigate motherhood of 2 when it comes. This journey of motherhood is always changing.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)