Okay, perhaps a flaky move on my part, but suddenly I've gotten through that newborn-longing and am so happy to interact with KickyBaby and get to know her. I'm enjoying seeing how her mind works, putting together different actions. I love playing cause-and-effect games with her. Her favorite seems to be in her carseat - I purse my lips and when she points to them, I pop! I love her laughing - it is the sweetest.
I think my missing of the baby period was furthered by our recent sleep struggles. Suddenly, it got so hard. And then, it got easy(ish) again. Why, you ask? Well, Daddy and Baby picked me up from work on Friday and KB tried to eat my finger as she usually does and I felt something sharp! A small jagged ridge of tooth was visible in the bottom middle of her gum line. I believe I exclaimed to Matt mid-sentence (Matt's sentence, not mine), "A tooth! We have a tooth!" It makes so much more sense now. We're still putting her to bed protesting and bringing her in to our bed in the middle of the night, but I'm not nursing all night long anymore. Whew. I love my nursing relationship with my daughter, but that was getting trying.
The flakiness does emphasize one thing that I will try to keep remembering. Everything will pass. It is so easy for me to get thoroughly wrapped up in things - the way I feel at a particular time, a decision we are trying to make, wondering about parenting and how-will-this-screw-her-up-in-a-few-years-oh-no type dilemmas. And then, they are gone as fast as they've come and there is just the soft hint of a bump in the road, the slight memory of a rough time. Wow, it is amazing how different sleep problems look a few days later. When you are right in the middle of them, at the crib, rubbing the belly of a screaming baby and saying shhhh over and over and over, it becomes your life. You're ready to throw in the towel, turn in your parenting badge, call every mother you know in the world and beg for advice. And then, give it a few days or weeks, and it's all a distant memory. Funny how that works. And wonderful. And such a huge relief.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
P.S. I DO miss the newborn period. Is that allowed?
Per BabyWeekly Journal: Rachel, as you watch Juliet grow, learn, and become a little person, do you ever long for your cuddly little baby again? Many women start missing their little newborn baby when he or she reaches toddler-hood. Do you have any longings for your baby of days past? Write now.
Man, this couldn't have come at a more apt time. This came in on 6/29 and it was probably at the peak of my missing of the cuddly little baby I used to have. It felt weird to feel that disconnect - to love this new person who is emerging, but to also kind of miss the smallness of newborn KickyBaby and the cuddling. I was destined to love the newborn phase - I love little things (ie, baby animals) and cuddling and that's about all the give-back you get from a newborn. Now I'm trying to figure out negotiating life with a person who has their own preferences and intentions, and who can go where she wants (to a point). And when I hold her, she wants to squirm to face forward or get down. Except for the sleepy cuddle. We've still got those. So maybe I shouldn't be SO unhappy to be kept up at night nursing. You are still my little cuddly baby in there somewhere. Welcome to exploring the world!
Man, this couldn't have come at a more apt time. This came in on 6/29 and it was probably at the peak of my missing of the cuddly little baby I used to have. It felt weird to feel that disconnect - to love this new person who is emerging, but to also kind of miss the smallness of newborn KickyBaby and the cuddling. I was destined to love the newborn phase - I love little things (ie, baby animals) and cuddling and that's about all the give-back you get from a newborn. Now I'm trying to figure out negotiating life with a person who has their own preferences and intentions, and who can go where she wants (to a point). And when I hold her, she wants to squirm to face forward or get down. Except for the sleepy cuddle. We've still got those. So maybe I shouldn't be SO unhappy to be kept up at night nursing. You are still my little cuddly baby in there somewhere. Welcome to exploring the world!
Letters to Mrs. Baby, 9 months
Hello Mrs. Baby!
If I wrote this when you *actually* turned 9 months, I wouldn't be able to mention your forward-crawling and your pulling to standing! Yes, it happened that fast! Before you were rolling and scooting backwards but now, wow, you are a fast forward crawler. The other night we set you on the carpet and mom and dad were both in the bathroom and, here you came, crawling furiously toward the bathroom. It was kind of adorable.
Though it makes Daddy's job much, much harder.
I just introduced you to the song "If you're happy and you know it." You love mimicking clapping and you just seemed delighted. I'm amazed at what goes on in your mind. You definitely understand cause-and-effect; I have fun making a fishy face at you in the car and waiting until you point to my lips to "pop!" I cherish our little games.
On the food and sleep fronts, we have a win and a lose. We've been giving you smaller food and you've been doing really well. With some small slippery food (kiwi, mainly), you've been pulling it to the edge of your tray and trying to slurp it up off of it from there. You are certainly industrious, but we should have known that when you ate your puffs off of the back of your hand (or anywhere else they would stick!).
Sleeping is so very hard and kind of horrible. We seem to have 2 options at night. Nurse you indefinitely or let you cry to sleep. Neither option works very well, honestly. We've been letting you cry at first and then bringing you in to bed when you wake up overnight, but it is so, so, SO hard for me to hear you cry and let you cry. I really don't like it and am desperately trying to find a better way.
You had your first full-body pool experience at my parents' house and you loved it. You kicked your legs and waved your arms and seemed like a natural. Then you drifted off to a peaceful sleep laying on a towel on the grass. That is the life! Just like your mama. gMom says I was the same way as a baby.
We had your first appointment with the new pediatrician and we really like her. You had a couple shots but Daddy sent me out of the room. I guess it is pretty sad to see you hurting. I loved holding you afterward in hopes that I could help you feel better. I seem to have a calming effect on you. Those are the times I feel most like your mom.
I love you KickyBaby. It is going so fast though.... where is the Pause button?
Except for the sleeping thing - let's fast-forward to good sleep soon. =)
All my best,
Mommy
If I wrote this when you *actually* turned 9 months, I wouldn't be able to mention your forward-crawling and your pulling to standing! Yes, it happened that fast! Before you were rolling and scooting backwards but now, wow, you are a fast forward crawler. The other night we set you on the carpet and mom and dad were both in the bathroom and, here you came, crawling furiously toward the bathroom. It was kind of adorable.
Though it makes Daddy's job much, much harder.
I just introduced you to the song "If you're happy and you know it." You love mimicking clapping and you just seemed delighted. I'm amazed at what goes on in your mind. You definitely understand cause-and-effect; I have fun making a fishy face at you in the car and waiting until you point to my lips to "pop!" I cherish our little games.
On the food and sleep fronts, we have a win and a lose. We've been giving you smaller food and you've been doing really well. With some small slippery food (kiwi, mainly), you've been pulling it to the edge of your tray and trying to slurp it up off of it from there. You are certainly industrious, but we should have known that when you ate your puffs off of the back of your hand (or anywhere else they would stick!).
Sleeping is so very hard and kind of horrible. We seem to have 2 options at night. Nurse you indefinitely or let you cry to sleep. Neither option works very well, honestly. We've been letting you cry at first and then bringing you in to bed when you wake up overnight, but it is so, so, SO hard for me to hear you cry and let you cry. I really don't like it and am desperately trying to find a better way.
You had your first full-body pool experience at my parents' house and you loved it. You kicked your legs and waved your arms and seemed like a natural. Then you drifted off to a peaceful sleep laying on a towel on the grass. That is the life! Just like your mama. gMom says I was the same way as a baby.
We had your first appointment with the new pediatrician and we really like her. You had a couple shots but Daddy sent me out of the room. I guess it is pretty sad to see you hurting. I loved holding you afterward in hopes that I could help you feel better. I seem to have a calming effect on you. Those are the times I feel most like your mom.
I love you KickyBaby. It is going so fast though.... where is the Pause button?
Except for the sleeping thing - let's fast-forward to good sleep soon. =)
All my best,
Mommy
Friday, June 10, 2011
8 months and going strong - a letter to Mrs. Baby
Dear Mrs. Baby,
You have become very interactive this month and are showing the first signs of becoming mobile! In an effort not to forget things, I've been sending 1-line memories from my phone to my email. So many things you do give me so much delight and I am sure I will never, ever forget the joy in that moment. Then give it a couple days or weeks and we're off to the next phase and that memory is forgotten. My darling, I have always cried over spilled milk even though I know how useless that can be. But you are always changing and there seems to be a new thing every day. So, I will try to capture those small moments in a way that is not melancholy, but celebratory. Because there is more to come and I have the privilege of being along for the ride.
This month you clapped for me. On May 28th, I was doing the dishes and you were playing in the living room. I would look over from time to time to check on you and engage you and one time I looked over and you clapped! And you did it again and again. I felt like quite the celebrity, being applauded for chores. =) I had just started showing you clapping a few weeks before and it surprised me that you seemed to pick it up AND direct your practice to me.
Right around the 8 month mark, I spent an entire afternoon switching your clothes over to the 3-6 size! I know you're still on the small side, but no more 0-3. And they fit you really well - we probably should have done it earlier.
You hand is the length of my pinky from the base to the top joint. I wonder how big your hand was when you were born. Time has passed so fast.
The past few days, you've been giving me the biggest smiles! Your Grammy said that your Daddy used to give those type of smiles(the mouth stretched long and thin as can be, the eyes closed to wee little slits) and calls them "line smiles." I tried one today - they kind of hurt the face, actually. You must have good facial muscles.
And you move - mostly rolling and crawling backward - but look away from you for a couple minutes and you will have moved several feet!?!
Our biggest challenges are sleeping and eating. Bed-sharing with you saved my sanity in the newborn period and helped our nursing relationship and I am glad we did it. But as you get a little bigger, the challenge is how to transition you to your own bed so I can spend some time reconnecting with Daddy and have some solo time.
And we had been doing baby-led weaning with you, giving you the same foods we were eating, and it worked really well when we first started. We would give you large pieces of food and you would hold one end and gnaw on the other. Now, though, you shove the entire piece in your mouth. It's scarey for me and I realize that, with your new dexterity, we have to rethink our strategy. Maybe you should graduate down to smaller pieces. You seem to really love mealtimes and are really adventurous in your eating (2 of the proposed "perks" of BLW) but it can be stressful!
I've been trying to teach you sign language so you can communicate with us more easily. Sometimes you get really frustrated and tense your fists and whole body up. I'd love to spare us that disconnect, but I'm not very diligent at teaching you.
Oh, I almost forgot that you had your first day at the pool too! You were SO happy. Even though the water was very cold, you seemed to like putting your toes in. And then you spent a very long time sitting on a towel on the grass, playing with toys and watching the kids trying to make you smile from the pool. It worked better then I thought it would and you seemed really happy. I shouldn't have been surprised - you seem to like crowds. Our little social butterfly.
So you are making leaps and bounds to independence and it's hard to remember the helpless newborn time. And then, try to think about this time next year and it feels impossible! What will be next?
Love,
Mom
You have become very interactive this month and are showing the first signs of becoming mobile! In an effort not to forget things, I've been sending 1-line memories from my phone to my email. So many things you do give me so much delight and I am sure I will never, ever forget the joy in that moment. Then give it a couple days or weeks and we're off to the next phase and that memory is forgotten. My darling, I have always cried over spilled milk even though I know how useless that can be. But you are always changing and there seems to be a new thing every day. So, I will try to capture those small moments in a way that is not melancholy, but celebratory. Because there is more to come and I have the privilege of being along for the ride.
This month you clapped for me. On May 28th, I was doing the dishes and you were playing in the living room. I would look over from time to time to check on you and engage you and one time I looked over and you clapped! And you did it again and again. I felt like quite the celebrity, being applauded for chores. =) I had just started showing you clapping a few weeks before and it surprised me that you seemed to pick it up AND direct your practice to me.
Right around the 8 month mark, I spent an entire afternoon switching your clothes over to the 3-6 size! I know you're still on the small side, but no more 0-3. And they fit you really well - we probably should have done it earlier.
You hand is the length of my pinky from the base to the top joint. I wonder how big your hand was when you were born. Time has passed so fast.
The past few days, you've been giving me the biggest smiles! Your Grammy said that your Daddy used to give those type of smiles(the mouth stretched long and thin as can be, the eyes closed to wee little slits) and calls them "line smiles." I tried one today - they kind of hurt the face, actually. You must have good facial muscles.
And you move - mostly rolling and crawling backward - but look away from you for a couple minutes and you will have moved several feet!?!
Our biggest challenges are sleeping and eating. Bed-sharing with you saved my sanity in the newborn period and helped our nursing relationship and I am glad we did it. But as you get a little bigger, the challenge is how to transition you to your own bed so I can spend some time reconnecting with Daddy and have some solo time.
And we had been doing baby-led weaning with you, giving you the same foods we were eating, and it worked really well when we first started. We would give you large pieces of food and you would hold one end and gnaw on the other. Now, though, you shove the entire piece in your mouth. It's scarey for me and I realize that, with your new dexterity, we have to rethink our strategy. Maybe you should graduate down to smaller pieces. You seem to really love mealtimes and are really adventurous in your eating (2 of the proposed "perks" of BLW) but it can be stressful!
I've been trying to teach you sign language so you can communicate with us more easily. Sometimes you get really frustrated and tense your fists and whole body up. I'd love to spare us that disconnect, but I'm not very diligent at teaching you.
Oh, I almost forgot that you had your first day at the pool too! You were SO happy. Even though the water was very cold, you seemed to like putting your toes in. And then you spent a very long time sitting on a towel on the grass, playing with toys and watching the kids trying to make you smile from the pool. It worked better then I thought it would and you seemed really happy. I shouldn't have been surprised - you seem to like crowds. Our little social butterfly.
So you are making leaps and bounds to independence and it's hard to remember the helpless newborn time. And then, try to think about this time next year and it feels impossible! What will be next?
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
My favorite memory from Mother's Day
My favorite memory on mother's day was not the card (though adorable) or the dinner with gMom and Grandpa (though.... interesting.... I guess I don't like German food, but the atmosphere was fun) but the feeling I got when I woke up early on the morning of Mother's Day. I looked at KickyBaby's lovely face and felt something in my heart affirm, "you are a mom" and the warmest, tenderest feeling came over me. I wanted to capture that feeling forever - to stay snuggled there in bed with my daughter. Nothing that anyone did or said could match the gift of actually being a mom on that day. (The recognition was just a perk!) As I realize the sweetness of motherhood, I am amazed over and over again that I was someone else's baby in the way that my daughter is my baby. So Happy Mother's Day gMom! How sweet it is.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Music Juliet loves
Music Juliet loves
Rachel, do you have any lullabies or songs that you sing to Juliet? It doesn't even have to be a lullaby; she loves music and hearing your voice at this age, and will probably enjoy any music you expose her to. This week in your journal write down any type of music or specific songs that Juliet really seems to enjoy. Write down her reaction when you dance around or sing to her. Write now.
When Juliet was very little, I would put her in the bathroom with me while I showered. I would sing some songs and talk to her from the other side of the curtain to keep her occupied, but her favorite part of that routine involved a song I sang to her once I got out of the shower. I would sing Itsy Bitsy Spider while I dried off my hair, like so:
The Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout (finger gesture)
Down came the rain (flip towel and hair over baby)
and washed the spider out (dry hair)
up came the sun and dried up all the rain (pick up head and towel)
and the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again (finger gesture).
Repeat until reasonably dry.
These days she doesn't want to sit in the bathroom with me while I shower (I think she knows that I am on the other side of the curtain and she doesn't like it!) but she still gets quiet and alert when I sing this song. I think she remembers it from her infancy. =)
Rachel, do you have any lullabies or songs that you sing to Juliet? It doesn't even have to be a lullaby; she loves music and hearing your voice at this age, and will probably enjoy any music you expose her to. This week in your journal write down any type of music or specific songs that Juliet really seems to enjoy. Write down her reaction when you dance around or sing to her. Write now.
When Juliet was very little, I would put her in the bathroom with me while I showered. I would sing some songs and talk to her from the other side of the curtain to keep her occupied, but her favorite part of that routine involved a song I sang to her once I got out of the shower. I would sing Itsy Bitsy Spider while I dried off my hair, like so:
The Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout (finger gesture)
Down came the rain (flip towel and hair over baby)
and washed the spider out (dry hair)
up came the sun and dried up all the rain (pick up head and towel)
and the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again (finger gesture).
Repeat until reasonably dry.
These days she doesn't want to sit in the bathroom with me while I shower (I think she knows that I am on the other side of the curtain and she doesn't like it!) but she still gets quiet and alert when I sing this song. I think she remembers it from her infancy. =)
Who are you? A letter at 7 months.
Hello KickyBaby!
I think everyone is inclined to think that what their baby does is what every baby does. It is only recently that I've realized that some of these things may be character traits, giving us glimpses in to the person that you are becoming.
You have been a great sport coming out to all of my breastfeeding events. You've made appearances at the NMAC (http://nursingmoms.net/) Breastfeeding 101 talks at BabiesRUS and 2 weeks ago you came with me to my breastfeeding counseling training class. People told us afterward that you were so good, better then their kids would have been. And I got to wondering, is this true? You have been an incredibly social little girl. You love smiling at people and interacting with them. You have always been happiest "in arms" so to speak and I thought it was just because you were a baby. But maybe it is also because you are you! You seem happiest in groups of people, watching them and listening to them. (Especially other children!) I rarely need toys when we are in a room of chatter and bustling; You seem perfectly content to soak in the interactions. It makes outings very easy. (On the flip side, it can be tough being the only one spending time with you because you are not necessarily content to play on your own!)
Also, you love the wind in your hair! I wonder what this will mean in the future. I first noticed this when the weather got warmer and we rolled our windows down in the car. You seemed to love the air whipping through the car, blowing everything around. On Saturday I brought you to the park to walk with the Dresher Parents group and you got your first taste of the swings. You kept smiling, swinging back and forth. I think some kids would be startled, but you seemed nothing short of delighted.
I love to witness that delight, to get to be a part of some of your firsts. Thank you for being my little pal in life, for coming with me and capturing all these smiles and hearts. Thanks for being my wonderful little girl.
Your mom,
Rachel
I think everyone is inclined to think that what their baby does is what every baby does. It is only recently that I've realized that some of these things may be character traits, giving us glimpses in to the person that you are becoming.
You have been a great sport coming out to all of my breastfeeding events. You've made appearances at the NMAC (http://nursingmoms.net/) Breastfeeding 101 talks at BabiesRUS and 2 weeks ago you came with me to my breastfeeding counseling training class. People told us afterward that you were so good, better then their kids would have been. And I got to wondering, is this true? You have been an incredibly social little girl. You love smiling at people and interacting with them. You have always been happiest "in arms" so to speak and I thought it was just because you were a baby. But maybe it is also because you are you! You seem happiest in groups of people, watching them and listening to them. (Especially other children!) I rarely need toys when we are in a room of chatter and bustling; You seem perfectly content to soak in the interactions. It makes outings very easy. (On the flip side, it can be tough being the only one spending time with you because you are not necessarily content to play on your own!)
Also, you love the wind in your hair! I wonder what this will mean in the future. I first noticed this when the weather got warmer and we rolled our windows down in the car. You seemed to love the air whipping through the car, blowing everything around. On Saturday I brought you to the park to walk with the Dresher Parents group and you got your first taste of the swings. You kept smiling, swinging back and forth. I think some kids would be startled, but you seemed nothing short of delighted.
I love to witness that delight, to get to be a part of some of your firsts. Thank you for being my little pal in life, for coming with me and capturing all these smiles and hearts. Thanks for being my wonderful little girl.
Your mom,
Rachel
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