About a month or two ago, I was completely overwhelmed by parenting. I was ready to turn in my parent card. I doubted my abilities, I dreaded my tasks. I was nearing something like terror when I found out I was to be alone with my little ones. This may have had any number of causes, including a particularly bad bout of depression. But I've emerged. During the 10 days I had off for Christmas/New Years, my confidence grew as my time with my little ones increased. Outings as a family were chaotic still, but I found I enjoyed them now. Like thoroughly enjoyed them. Like, wanted to sit back, kick up my feet, and watch my kids laugh and play and be delighted. Of course, I was a little more interactive then that. The more I did it, the more I knew I could do it. And I had Matt and my Mom alongside me, offering me encouragement during times when I don't think they knew how parenting-debilitated (yes, I made that up) I really was.
I learned a valuable lesson over New Years. I had typically spent most New Years in a personal funk, wishing I was out somewhere, that I had planned something, completely dissatisfied with my life and utterly melancholy. But this New Years Eve, I suddenly realized I had control over it. I could make it in to something special, something fun, with this family I had come to adore. And so we went out shopping the afternoon of New Years Eve. We came home and Juliet and I "decorated." Then we made clocks out of paper plates and hats out of construction paper (lots of stickers and pictures). Matt made clock quesadillas. We wrote down some things about each of the kids and watched a ball drop around 8 from some year in the past. It was a lot of chaos, a lot of busyness, lots of scissors. And it was a delight. Juliet said it was the best night ever, and I'm inclined to agree. We had just started a family tradition. For me, it was also a step toward healing, to contentment and acceptance, a eureka moment at the end of a rough year.
(For the record, I also mentioned popcorn that day, which never happened because we ran out of time, but which Juliet mentioned for the next few days. I hope that didn't overshadow the "best night ever.")
And since then, there have been other delightful moments. Juliet and I make up games, like the game where we go down in a submarine and explore. Or the game called "Animals" where we (you guessed it) pretend to be animals. And the most interesting thing came out of that game. The endearing phase "mama peacock." We had pretended to be peacocks and I guess it struck a chord with Juliet. In the same way that playing "runaway train" used to bring out the crazed side of Juliet, playing at being peacocks seems to be her code for snuggles. She calls me "mama peacock" in the sweetest, most endearing way, and then wants to be cuddled and held and nuzzled. It seems like a way to ask for sweet, loving attention, and I'm happy at those times to play and hold my "baby peacock."
This seems to be the next generation in her names for me. I was affectionately known as "my little mudder" for quite a while prior to that. Maybe because I often refer to her as "my little one?" It makes me laugh each time though. Have you ever heard a kid say mudder?
I also love that she sleeps with a picture of Matt and newborn Juliet under her pillow. (She gets sad if she finds out it isn't there and we have to look for it!) And that she put a picture of me and a newborn Juliet under my pillow. Maybe it is to give us good dreams?
And Matt has a wonderful bedtime routine with the kids.
Jonah is really hitting the twos. We hear a lot of "I do it" these days. He still is very intrigued with the details of things.
When I get home, Jonah is usually the one that opens the door. He shrieks "mommy" excitedly and waits for me to bend down and hug him. His delight at seeing me is so adorable. His eyes light up and he gets this big, contented grin. I wish I could capture that look always.
The other look of his that I love is when we pray. He clasps his hands together (standard enough) but also clenches his eyes shut really hard and purses his lips. He seems so dedicated. Do we look like that when we pray?!
Juliet loves to draw. Her favorite things to draw are planets, treasure maps, and her name and Jonah's name. Jonah's artistic subjects have yet to be determined.
Jonah is such a good sleeper! I can't even believe that two children's sleep patterns could be so different, but they are. When it gets to night time for Jonah, you can just tell him it is time for bed and he goes with you. You lay him down and his eyes get sleepy, he looks at you with a little cherub face while you tuck the blankets in. When we leave, there is a soft contented look. I didn't know it could be like that! Parents of the world, you can have kids with wildly different sleep styles and maybe you didn't do something tragically wrong. Just had to get that PSA out there. Jonah has been like this from day one though; he was a great sleeper as a newborn too. He shared a bed with me then, but he generally slept at night (except for late night nursings, which is normal). He is and was a pretty easygoing baby.
The kids have been a joy to be with and to watch together. I wish I could remember each period as vividly as if I were in it, but these records will have to suffice to jog the memory. My parenting confidence is back. My cup runneth over with with adoration and joy. My kids are special to me and I want to be with them. There are seasons where there is uncertainty, where there is discontentment, and then there are seasons of confidence and peace. Maybe it is all a part of the nuance of life. And maybe I am learning to accept that a little more every day, though the lovely lessons my kids and husband don't even realize they teach.
Your little mudder, your mama peacock,
Me
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Christmas Kid Updates
Siblings
Juliet and Jonah are really starting to interact with each other. This comes with its fair share of adorable moments and its fair share of torture. Last night at dinner, we were playing a favorite game of Etsy's, that Matt introduced her to, "I Spy." Jonah was playing along:
I spy... my little eye... OR
I spy... turquoise (turquoise, Jonah, really?)
He doesn't seem to have an actual item picked out, but he seems so pleased to be part of this family game. He beams when it is his turn. I can only imagine the feeling of inclusion, of being able to find his voice in our family. So last night he spied something green and we guessed a few things and Juliet guessed "jungle" and Jonah said, "jungle!" And then Juliet jumped down off her stool and started hopping around, imitating a monkey, and Jonah, without skipping a beat, started waving his arms frantically in the air and kicking his feet. It was hysterical, our little monkeys, making a fun little game of chaos out of our dinnertime.
New traditions
We're playing another game introduced by Matt, called "Christmas lights" that the kids love. It's basically looking for Christmas lights as we drive around and saying "Christmas lights!" when we see them. Juliet will declare to the car, "we're playing Christmas lights now."
Matt and I are also working on getting our Advent Jesse Tree tradition started. I have a book that has Bible stories for the 25 days leading up to Christmas with suggested ornaments. We've made the first 8 ornaments out of clay and have been working through them, though not quite daily. I was pleased to hear that Juliet said the second ornament, the apple with the snake wrapped around it that I made, was "beautiful." (I wasn't home that night to hear it in person.) I felt really good about that.
The other day, Juliet gave me a kiss on my forehead and seemed to say that when I thought of her or missed her I could think of the kiss. It reminded me of when I used to kiss her little palms ages ago and say the same type of thing, that she should save them for when she needed them.
Jonah
Jonah likes having books read to him, often the same ones over and over. He's very vocal about the things he wants. He'll often try to steer us around by pushing our legs towards the next thing he wants us to do. He likes the alphabet and surprised everyone by knowing the refrigerator letters at Gmom's. The other day he was saying something I couldn't recognize, which he kept repeating earnestly, then he started steering me toward the kitchen. And finally I got it - he wanted Vitamin D drops!
He's a great sleeper. You can just lay him down awake when it's time and he'll lay there quietly, blinking his little eyes, and snuggle in to the blanket when you cover him up. He's also really good at entertaining himself in bed too, so sometimes, especially during naps, we'll hear him talking to himself instead of sleeping for a while.
He likes walking himself to bed often instead of being taken there. He will say, "down" or "walk" and then trot over to the pack-n-play himself.
He's got the cutest little voice.
He loves knowing and following the protocol these days. He'll remind us to shut the doors, turn out the lights, wash our hands, and throw something in the trash when it's the next step. I wonder if that is age-related or part of his temperament,
He knows what sounds all the trains make in the Trains Go book.
Juliet
Juliet is becoming a little girl, getting bigger and bigger all the time. I am amazed, when we read her the advent stories, at her listening comprehension, how she can answer the questions about the story pretty accurately.
Matt has been teaching her Bible verses at bedtime and hearing her recite John 3:16 and others is adorable. She is clearly very proud of her abilities and she beams with pride.
She's still "acrobatic" as she tells us and desperately wants to jump on the furniture. She and Jonah made a game yesterday where they took turns standing on the Ottoman and falling on to a pillow on the sofa. It was cute seeing them each take turns. Jonah started it and Juliet said, "yes Jonah, let's do that!"
Juliet loves the song about rain being lemondrops and gumdrops. She still likes the planets, but we talk about them a little less. She loves owls and Ben.
Juliet just woke up and she is hungry! So we're going to go eat. Have a great day.
Juliet and Jonah are really starting to interact with each other. This comes with its fair share of adorable moments and its fair share of torture. Last night at dinner, we were playing a favorite game of Etsy's, that Matt introduced her to, "I Spy." Jonah was playing along:
I spy... my little eye... OR
I spy... turquoise (turquoise, Jonah, really?)
He doesn't seem to have an actual item picked out, but he seems so pleased to be part of this family game. He beams when it is his turn. I can only imagine the feeling of inclusion, of being able to find his voice in our family. So last night he spied something green and we guessed a few things and Juliet guessed "jungle" and Jonah said, "jungle!" And then Juliet jumped down off her stool and started hopping around, imitating a monkey, and Jonah, without skipping a beat, started waving his arms frantically in the air and kicking his feet. It was hysterical, our little monkeys, making a fun little game of chaos out of our dinnertime.
New traditions
We're playing another game introduced by Matt, called "Christmas lights" that the kids love. It's basically looking for Christmas lights as we drive around and saying "Christmas lights!" when we see them. Juliet will declare to the car, "we're playing Christmas lights now."
Matt and I are also working on getting our Advent Jesse Tree tradition started. I have a book that has Bible stories for the 25 days leading up to Christmas with suggested ornaments. We've made the first 8 ornaments out of clay and have been working through them, though not quite daily. I was pleased to hear that Juliet said the second ornament, the apple with the snake wrapped around it that I made, was "beautiful." (I wasn't home that night to hear it in person.) I felt really good about that.
The other day, Juliet gave me a kiss on my forehead and seemed to say that when I thought of her or missed her I could think of the kiss. It reminded me of when I used to kiss her little palms ages ago and say the same type of thing, that she should save them for when she needed them.
Jonah
Jonah likes having books read to him, often the same ones over and over. He's very vocal about the things he wants. He'll often try to steer us around by pushing our legs towards the next thing he wants us to do. He likes the alphabet and surprised everyone by knowing the refrigerator letters at Gmom's. The other day he was saying something I couldn't recognize, which he kept repeating earnestly, then he started steering me toward the kitchen. And finally I got it - he wanted Vitamin D drops!
He's a great sleeper. You can just lay him down awake when it's time and he'll lay there quietly, blinking his little eyes, and snuggle in to the blanket when you cover him up. He's also really good at entertaining himself in bed too, so sometimes, especially during naps, we'll hear him talking to himself instead of sleeping for a while.
He likes walking himself to bed often instead of being taken there. He will say, "down" or "walk" and then trot over to the pack-n-play himself.
He's got the cutest little voice.
He loves knowing and following the protocol these days. He'll remind us to shut the doors, turn out the lights, wash our hands, and throw something in the trash when it's the next step. I wonder if that is age-related or part of his temperament,
He knows what sounds all the trains make in the Trains Go book.
Juliet
Juliet is becoming a little girl, getting bigger and bigger all the time. I am amazed, when we read her the advent stories, at her listening comprehension, how she can answer the questions about the story pretty accurately.
Matt has been teaching her Bible verses at bedtime and hearing her recite John 3:16 and others is adorable. She is clearly very proud of her abilities and she beams with pride.
She's still "acrobatic" as she tells us and desperately wants to jump on the furniture. She and Jonah made a game yesterday where they took turns standing on the Ottoman and falling on to a pillow on the sofa. It was cute seeing them each take turns. Jonah started it and Juliet said, "yes Jonah, let's do that!"
Juliet loves the song about rain being lemondrops and gumdrops. She still likes the planets, but we talk about them a little less. She loves owls and Ben.
Juliet just woke up and she is hungry! So we're going to go eat. Have a great day.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Washington D.C.
trip to the spy museum AND
the Freer Gallery
For Rachel's birthday we took a trip to
Washington. We stayed at the Helix hotel
which has a Pop-art type of theme. The highlight of the trip was the Freer gallery's
"Kiyochika, Master of the night" show.
It featured wood block prints of Tokoyo at the end of the 19th century. We also visited the museum of American art and the natural history
museum. The spy museum was interesting
if not overpriced (it cost us $47 for admission)
I don't think it was worth the money.
trip to the spy museum AND
the Freer Gallery
For Rachel's birthday we took a trip to
Washington. We stayed at the Helix hotel
which has a Pop-art type of theme. The highlight of the trip was the Freer gallery's
"Kiyochika, Master of the night" show.
It featured wood block prints of Tokoyo at the end of the 19th century. We also visited the museum of American art and the natural history
museum. The spy museum was interesting
if not overpriced (it cost us $47 for admission)
I don't think it was worth the money.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Welcome Photographer Daddy!
I'm inviting a new blogger to this page. Matt has always been the photographer of our family so, to round our this record of our kids and family, he'll be hopefully posting some pictures around the way. We have some great ones from a farm share we joined this year called Pennypack and some goofy ones from a recent trip to D.C. Welcome Matt!
You say a Nonah, I say a Jonah.
Happy Birthday Jonah! Well, sort of.
It has been a long time since I wrote. 2 kids + full-time work = not enough time to do much of anything else. But this was a special occasion that I want to remember. Today we demoed a new birthday idea for Jonah. The last day in July we had a special "Christmas in July" party celebrating Jonah's Christmas birthday. I planned a few winter-inspired activities, Matt and I made a huge batch of "snow" white playdough, and we listened to Christmas music. But the absolute best part of the party was seeing Jonah's face when we sang Happy Birthday to him. It was the face of a child with his love meter full, with pride and joy at all eyes on him, loving on him. It makes me wonder how often we actually stop and focus all our attention on Jonah, as the second-born. With life so busy, how often do we pause, give him our undivided attention and say, "you are special." And he came alive; He looked around, he grinned so big he beamed. It was worth it. All the planning, all the orchestrating, to make that moment for Jonah. I hope he will always know somewhere in his core being, even if he doesn't actively recall it, that he was special to us all as himself. I hope we can give him that feeling over and over and it will sink in. Isn't that what all parents want?
What Jonah is in to now:
He likes singing "a, b, c, d" but he never gets past "d." He notices that this song is related to letters and will start singing that when he sees letters, such as the sign for CVS.
He has always had really remarkable "ka" sounds. So where Juliet's "milk" was always "mit" as a toddler, Jonah's is a highly-emphasized "mil-K." The same goes for "boo-K."
Jonah says mama and dada, which is super sweet.
He understands things you say to him. If you say "bath," he will repeat "bath" and go running in to the bathroom. If you ask, "diaper?" he will point at his or go with you to get one. I love when I place one on the floor and he tries to figure out how to lay down on it. He always ends up with his head facing me! The first time he did that I was completely impressed; I didn't realize how much he was picking up about "how we do things." It makes me laugh that we used to be so heavily dependent on a changing table for Juliet and now I can't imagine going to a changing table each time. We don't use it at all. But it's a different house we're in.
Jonah loves these applesauce pouches that we call AppleBerries. Matt usually gets them for Jonah from Wawa and so now, when Jonah sees a Wawa, even driving by, he declares "Ap-pull!" or "Ap-pull-B!"
My other special memory of Jonah is when I get home from work. He comes toddling over to me right away and I crouch down and he gives me the sweetest little hug. I can't explain the joy at his little arms and hands reaching out for me, wrapping around my arm. It is lovely.
You know how little we emphasize using utensils with our kids, but Jonah had other plans. One day, as Matt was making food, Jonah realized that a fork was within his grasp. He reached out and took it and proceeded to use it on his dinner! We never showed him that overtly. But he is always our observer, watching and taking in even the minute details. He loves the detail, and will tend to focus on the screws on toys. He also loves seeing what buttons do; it's like you can watch his brain working in real time to make a complete picture of "how this works."
He also likes cleaning. Yes, you spray his high chair and give him a paper towel, and he will rub and rub. He does the same thing on the floor. He'll be sad if you take away the cleaner (vinegar) or towel.
He calls himself "No-nah;" he can't quite get the "J" for Jonah. So, as seems to be our custom, our kids are choosing their own nicknames, and Jonah gets called "Nonah" more and more. I secretly love it because it reminds me of Nola, a girl's name that I decided I loved for it's similarity to Magnolia. Thanks Jonah! =)
News from the 3+ Crowd
Matt and I been planning separate times for Juliet and for Jonah, either one-on-one with each parent or one at a grandparents' house and one with Matt and I. We took Juliet to a carnival and she was fearless! It was incredible. She was probably less scared of the rides then Matt and I; she even pointed at the Gravitron up in the air and wanted to go on it! (We didn't.) Her favorite ride by far was a spaceship where one of the spaceships started low, went up high, and then went up and down. Super cute.
Out of the Often-Noisy Planet
Juliet is coming out of an obsession with planets. It started out innocently enough, with a why question, "Mommy, what's below the snow?" And it went Snow>Grass>Dirt>Rock (I needed Matt's input on that)> Magma> Rock>Dirt>Grass (maybe)>Snow>Sky>Space. And then, "what is space?!" And the rest is history. There was actually a moment where I realized that Juliet had, quite naturally, come to the conclusion that those space-going vehicles, rockets, had to actually take off through the center of the earth and out the other side. Opps! Not long after her interest developed, people started being assigned planets. I'm Mercury (I was briefly Neptune at first) and Matt is Saturn. At first Jonah was Mars and Juliet referred to him as "rocky red planet" or "rocky red" for short. At that time Juliet was Venus and she was pleased to tell people they were rocky planets with volcanoes. (Wait, is that true?) Then she developed a fascination with Uranus and Juliet and Jonah both became Uranus. That's where we are now. AUNT LAUREN WAS ORIGINALLY PLUTO. She was not happy about that since Pluto is a wanna-be planet. But now it is here in print. She and Juliet had a discussion about that and agreed to make her Venus which is her current status. So, in short:
The Sun - Abigail
Mercury - Mommy
Venus - Aunt Lauren
Earth - Feisser
Mars - ? No one?
Jupiter - Akira
Saturn - Matt
Uranus - Aunt Beth (who was also not very happy about that... do you like to tease your aunts, Juliet?), Juliet, Jonah
Neptune - Ben
Juliet has a puzzle that combines her love of planets and her love of puzzles. One time Aunt Lauren was visiting and she spent some time working with Juliet on her 100-piece planet puzzle from Aunt Beth. As they got close to completion, Juliet named the planets, reversing Uranus and Neptune (saying them in the right order, but pointing at the other planet because she is convinced that Uranus should be the blue one and they are close together so the order isn't obvious). Lauren corrected her. Juliet disagreed and corrected her. Lauren disagreed. This went on a few times and neither party was backing down. So Juliet looked squarely at Lauren and matter-of-factly said, "you can go play downstairs now," essentially banning her for her disagreement. Laur and I had a laugh about that and the banishment was not enforced. But it is a little slice of the sass and cleverness that Juliet pulls out from time to time.
What Juliet is in to now:
Her favorite color is now red. She knows mine is turquoise and asks me if I like every turquoise thing we come across.
She wants to get in on group hugs. Matt and I will be hugging and suddenly I'll feel little hands on my leg and Etsy is just easing her way in to the middle of the hug. I remember group hugs from my childhood and it makes me happy.
She is currently often saying "dop" (think "top") or "doppa." Sometimes Jonah says it too.
She has a toy laptop that seems to be teaching her British pronunciations and the joy of silly sentences. She likes saying "Bad [noun]" and making a game of it where we go back and forth thinking of the silliest things we can. I don't know what the staying power of that game will be.
She tried some gymnastics classes and loved them. She was engaged, listened well, and was fearless, which is not surprising. I felt she needed an outlet for her desire to climb and hang on everything. I think we will be signing her up for it shortly.
She tried some gymnastics classes and loved them. She was engaged, listened well, and was fearless, which is not surprising. I felt she needed an outlet for her desire to climb and hang on everything. I think we will be signing her up for it shortly.
She also has a very sweet, helpful side. She often refers to me as "good mudder!" even when I don't think I've done anything particularly remarkable. She also sometimes calls me "my little mudder" which I think is a nod to when I call her "my little one." The other day I was getting my breakfast nutribullet (green shake) ready and I told her I wanted to put cherries in it, but I would have to cut them off the pit and that took too much time. While I was washing and cutting the remaining fruit and vegetables, she went to the fridge, got out a cherry and bit it in half for me, removing the pit. She presented me with the manually-pitted cherry "for your nutribullet." It was incredibly sweet. She is often very conscientious of my needs. I hope this is something okay and not something strange I've cultivated either by seeming fragile/needy or over-praising it. Motherhood is an ever-tenuous position, isn't it? Is what you are doing right? Wrong? Are you helping your kids? Setting them up for success, for confidence, for loving themselves? I do the best I can, I learn from others (thank you for psychology and creative moms), I try to think about the long-range lessons from my short range goals, and love them, and pray, and work on myself. This has been a whole new season for Matt and I, and, in turn, I hope a whole new season for my kids and our family.
On to the next chapter, for our marriage, for our family, for our future, the one we have entitled "Hope."
Saturday, December 29, 2012
I'm still your mommy
It has been 4 days since little brother was born. The house is in upheaval, everything different then before, kind of chaotic.
Last night was the first night I put Juliet to bed since we became a family of 4. She put her face right in front of mine, nearly touching noses, and feel asleep while I sang to her. This is strange from a child who usually cries to sleep, no matter what you do to get her to sleepiness.
Tonight we started getting ready for bed. First we read books. I'm always amazed what Juliet remembers. When I picked up Counting Kisses, she said, "my tired little baby, do you need a kiss?" (The first line of the book.) When we got to prayer, we heard Baby Brother crying and Juliet said she wanted more coconut milk. So we decided to get Juliet milk and give brother milk and then go back to bed. While I nursed Jonah, Juliet climbed all over Daddy on the floor. It was adorable and she seemed so happy. I don't think I've seen them do that before. And then I handed a sleeping Jonah off to Daddy and Juliet and I went back to her bed. We prayed, thanking God for all the different animals he made that Juliet loves (sharks, whales, dolphins, bald eagles), and then we sang our songs.
When they were done, Juliet said, "I can't go to sleep." This is fairly typical; going to sleep is generally hard for her. I talked to her about things that make it hard for me to go to sleep - not wanting the day to be over, or having problems settling my mind and body. She just repeated that she couldn't sleep. She came to the end of the bed where I was sitting and laid on my lap, facing away, and I rocked her back and forth. I imagined a boat rocking in the current. And I thought about being her mom over the past two years. I remembered laying in my bed with her, playing with our hands in the air, making them float down like leaves. About how we don't do that anymore and how I don't want to forget that, or forget any of it. I realized I would never again be Just Her Mommy and it made me profoundly sad. (I am postpartum, after all.) And then she got up and went and sat in front of her pillow. She asked for kisses (we do one for each cheek, one for each hand to hold for later, and one for the forehead for good dreams/thoughts). I don't think she realized I was sad. I'm pretty sure I was crying, but it was dark. And after the kisses, she sweetly and matter-of-factly said, "Night Night Mommy," and that was that. I said Night Night back and I left without her yelling, without tears. Softly, sweetly.
Suddenly, she seemed so grown up.
And I loved her, then and now.
Last night was the first night I put Juliet to bed since we became a family of 4. She put her face right in front of mine, nearly touching noses, and feel asleep while I sang to her. This is strange from a child who usually cries to sleep, no matter what you do to get her to sleepiness.
Tonight we started getting ready for bed. First we read books. I'm always amazed what Juliet remembers. When I picked up Counting Kisses, she said, "my tired little baby, do you need a kiss?" (The first line of the book.) When we got to prayer, we heard Baby Brother crying and Juliet said she wanted more coconut milk. So we decided to get Juliet milk and give brother milk and then go back to bed. While I nursed Jonah, Juliet climbed all over Daddy on the floor. It was adorable and she seemed so happy. I don't think I've seen them do that before. And then I handed a sleeping Jonah off to Daddy and Juliet and I went back to her bed. We prayed, thanking God for all the different animals he made that Juliet loves (sharks, whales, dolphins, bald eagles), and then we sang our songs.
When they were done, Juliet said, "I can't go to sleep." This is fairly typical; going to sleep is generally hard for her. I talked to her about things that make it hard for me to go to sleep - not wanting the day to be over, or having problems settling my mind and body. She just repeated that she couldn't sleep. She came to the end of the bed where I was sitting and laid on my lap, facing away, and I rocked her back and forth. I imagined a boat rocking in the current. And I thought about being her mom over the past two years. I remembered laying in my bed with her, playing with our hands in the air, making them float down like leaves. About how we don't do that anymore and how I don't want to forget that, or forget any of it. I realized I would never again be Just Her Mommy and it made me profoundly sad. (I am postpartum, after all.) And then she got up and went and sat in front of her pillow. She asked for kisses (we do one for each cheek, one for each hand to hold for later, and one for the forehead for good dreams/thoughts). I don't think she realized I was sad. I'm pretty sure I was crying, but it was dark. And after the kisses, she sweetly and matter-of-factly said, "Night Night Mommy," and that was that. I said Night Night back and I left without her yelling, without tears. Softly, sweetly.
Suddenly, she seemed so grown up.
And I loved her, then and now.
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